so the parents were visiting. and they watch ER. ok, fine show, certainly. At least it's not Blind Date or something. Note that my parents have four televisions and - i think - at least three or four computers in their house, for the two of them. That's two people, four computers, and four TVs. Not the point. So. They're watching ER. and people are getting blown up and there are burn victims and explosives and some poor kid is dying in Chicago and the burn victims are poignant and grisly and whoops, they're dead too. And there's blood and charred people everywhere. And nobody's having a good time. This is not a happy show. This is not a show that's going to make you think, gee, i'm glad i'm alive. This is a show that makes you want to go shoot yourself so you will never, ever be a burn victim. And i'm playing warcraft. Nice, interactive, not interrupted by commercials, i can chat with the other nice people playing warcraft, we're all having fun. A couple of the special moves come with blood-spurts. But when the baby dragon shoots a fireball at you, you don't run around screaming because you're on fire and your arm has fallen off. You kick its cute little ass. Nobody is moaning in melodramatic pain. You're dead? Ok, you're in grayscale. And they wonder why we like games more than television?

Labels: internet

which i will be careful to avoid.

Labels: emptor, wedding

observation for to-day:

weddings are complicated things to organize.

wedding invitaitons are a pain in the ass, because

1. the ass-monkey in the print shop said the sample invitation i brought in was 'plain' and even 'almost boring' - and this is the small, locally owned print shop that i bring in a sample invitation to from a website so they can make me something like it and i can use a little local small business and contribute to the local economy and you're rude to me? who the hell do you think you are calling the invitation i like plain and boring? fuck you and the houston accent you rode in on. Ass. See if you get my business.
   
2. wording. sucks. and no, i don't want to look at your traditional wording because i've fucking seen it already - here it is on this sample invitation that i brought you and if i liked traditional wording, i'd use it, wouldn't i? ass.
   
3. i'm giving myself an ulcer, here, but we have to order these things and send them fucking out already.
   
4. and what the hell do you mean, print shop bastard, maybe i should ignore my fiance's preferences on this because "weddings are big girly-girl affairs"? what kind of relationship dynamic would that set up? how many times have you been divorced, anyway? do i look like i give a shit if all the southern belles who waltz in here like the junk with the pearlescent doves and fairy castles on it? don't show me tissue-printed wedding-bells and calla lilies. i told you i didn't like it already.
   
5. which means we have to order them from that website. Which means dealing with bored, snotty customer servicepeople. For me.

Labels: wedding

what must it be like, waking up one morning and not being conservative any more?

sun breaking through clouds?
breathing after you've had a sinus infection?
amaretto?
unagi?
real maple syrup?
finally understanding integrals?
learning to ride a bike?
"luke, i am your father?"
carl sagan? einstein?
siddhartha gautama?
or is it like puberty?

Labels: people

hotel space has been reserved at the Super 8 in Plymouth (574)936-8856 - we have fifteen rooms with two queen beds each. Group up. $55 a nite or so (i don't remember exactly but it is a discount) and we have them for friday the 27th and saturday the 28th of may. Any bachelor/ette genre activities will occur on friday nite. Wedding is saturday. Please book soon as rate will expire.

for alternate (read: not discounted) culver accomodations, see our wedding site. Limited free camping will be available (sans electricity, plumbing, privacy, or any modern amenities) across from the overmyer farm for those that would prefer.

Labels: wedding

• dog shampoo: this will not get done.
• grout
• garage (ohhhh, fuuuuuuck)
• swiffer
• call J re: email? invite fax???
• call C re:
  1) condos and possibility of discount
  2) house for us to rent
  3) super 8 in plymouth
• deck: this will not get done.
• stain fireplace: not until grout is done.
• gutters: not likely.
• wedding invites: after teleconf w/ J.

see also: L's dentist, optometrist, Lenscrafters coupons, recruiting weekend schedule, M - new glasses?

Labels: wedding

i have this weakness.

When the president of the company reams my boss a new one,

... i laugh, and laugh, and laugh.

so, in the interest of enlightening my audience
since none of us ever get to Broadway:

Schadenfreude, from Avenue Q.

GARY COLEMAN:Right now you are down and out and feeling really crappy
NICKY: I'll say.
GARY COLEMAN:And when I see how sad you are
It sort of makes me... Happy!
NICKY: Happy?!
GARY COLEMAN: Sorry, Nicky, human nature - Nothing I can do!
It's... Schadenfreude! Making me feel glad that I'm not you.
NICKY: Well that's not very nice, Gary!
GARY COLEMAN: I didn't say it was nice! But everybody does it!
D'ja ever clap when a waitress falls
and drops a tray of glasses?
NICKY: Yeah...
GARY COLEMAN: And ain't it fun to watch figure skaters
falling on their asses?
NICKY: Sure!
GARY COLEMAN: And don'tcha feel all warm and cozy,
Watching people out in the rain!
NICKY: You bet!
GARY COLEMAN: That's...
GARY AND NICKY: Schadenfreude!
GARY COLEMAN: People taking pleasure in your pain!
NICKY: Oh, Schadenfreude, huh? What's that, some kinda Nazi word?
GARY COLEMAN: Yup! It's German for "happiness
at the misfortune of others!"
NICKY: "Happiness at the misfortune of others." That is German!
Watching a vegetarian being told she just ate chicken
GARY COLEMAN: Or watching a frat boy realize just what he put his dick in!
NICKY: Being on the elevator when somebody shouts "Hold the door!"
GARY AND NICKY: "No!!!" Schadenfreude!
GARY COLEMAN: "Fuck you lady, that's what stairs are for!"
NICKY: Ooh, how about... Straight-A students getting Bs?
GARY COLEMAN: Exes getting STDs!
NICKY: Waking doormen from their naps!
GARY COLEMAN: Watching tourists reading maps!
NICKY: Football players getting tackled!
GARY COLEMAN: CEOs getting shackled!
NICKY: Watching actors never reach
GARY AND NICKY: The ending of their oscar speech!
Schadenfreude! Schadenfreude! Schadenfreude! Schadenfreude!
GARY COLEMAN:
The world needs people like you and me
who've been knocked around by fate.
'Cause when people see us, they don't want to be us,
and that makes them feel great.
NICKY: Sure! We provide a vital service to society!
GARY AND NICKY: You and me! Schadenfreude!
Making the world a better place...
Making the world a better place...
Making the world a better place... To be!
GARY COLEMAN: S-C-H-A-D-E-N-F-R-E-U-D-E!

Also, Avenue Q apparently has muppets. here is their website, with more muppets. "It may not be appropriate for young children because AVENUE Q addresses issues like sex, drinking, and surfing the web for porn."

does "muppet sex" make anyone else think of marshmallows, or was i really the only person on the planet to get that forward?

Waiting to see what my newest search terms are gonna be...

Labels: internet

You Know You're From Texas When...

You see more Texan flags than American flags.
You know someone who ate the 72 oz steak and got it for free.
You attend a formal event in your best clothes, your finest jewelry, and your Cowboy Boots.
You can write a check at Dairy Queen for 2 Hungr-Busters and fries.
You prefer Whataburger to McDonalds.
You dress up to go shopping at the mall.
You've hung ornaments and tinsel on a tumbleweed and used it as a Christmas tree.
You're disappointed when a food doesn't come in spicy flavor.
You know from experience that rattlesnake meat tastes like chicken.
You can tell a rock from an armadillo at 300 yards.
You know what a 'Cowboy Cadillac' is.
You have both a dog and a brother-in-law named Bud
Your local grocery store sells cactus in the Fresh Produce department
You watch the movie Urban Cowboy and laugh at the phony Texan accents
You choose a brand of Mexican salsa with the same care that another might use to select a bottle of fine wine
You think that the 4 basic food groups are nachos, bar-b-que, fajitas, and Copenhagen.
You refer to the Dallas Cowboys as "God's favorite football team"
You know whether another Texan is from South, West, East, North, or Central Texas as soon as they open their mouth.
You don't consider people from Austin to be real Texans.
Your Pastor wears boots.
There is no such thing as a "secret" sin.
The Blue Book value on your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas it has in it.
You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Texas.
Blogthings

Labels: texas

i've never had a comment troll before. it's kind of funny. Only my readership isn't really growing in particular - i've had, similarly to N, lots of people clicking the Next Blog bit and then i'm assuming continuing on - i do that plenty myself - but wow. A comment troll. I'm so flattered! i feel like a big shot blogger now. There are random people out there who not only read this, people i've never met, but people who actually care what i'm complaining about today or tomorrow or the next day. And if there are people - even misguided, off-topic people - who think i and my friends are misinformed and/or wrong - then there are people who think we're sheer blinding genius. So, thanks, troll. I'm in the next tier of blogging now. I'll make sure to think of you when i get my bloggie. Because, now that i've got a troll, it's only a matter of time.

Labels: emptor

and new jersey, of all places, is doing something about it. which is good. because maybe, then, there'd *really* be no more late fees. Instead of saying, "no more late fees," and then having late-fees-that-aren-t-called-late-fees bullshit. Assholes. Hah. i hope they lose their lawsuit.

Labels: emptor

since a Family Visit isn't stress enough to begin with.

• From grocery store, collect graperfuits, other fruits, oranges, bananas, juices, gallon milk, nice bread.
• From pharmacy, get appropriate shampoos/toothpaste/items for hall bath.
• Vacuum and carpet-shampoo.
• Sweep and mop.
• Dog-shampoo.
• Check weather report for possibility of rain-soil-dog-clean floor interaction.
• Curse weather report.
• Curse weather report.
• Curse weather report.
• Get as much "grout" done on fireplace as humanly possible.
• Clean, organize, sweep garage.
• Curse weather report.
• Mop again.
• Get Mom appointment with magical hair guy. - four o'clock on friday.
• Warn Mom of magical hair guy's bad teeth, extensive tattoos, et c.
• Laundry - guest room.
• Laundry - our room.
• Put nice sheets on our bed so it looks like it goes with the blue walls, et c.
• Laundry - clothes.
• Curse weather report.
• Clean entire house.
• Read and dispose of playboy. (Hide playboy.)
• Find place to plug in lamp.
• Acquire another power strip to plug in lamp to.
• Stain deck.
• Curse weather report.
• Stain fireplace.
• Curse weather report.
• Clean out gutters.
• Curse weather report.
• Find antique rose emporium.
• Curse weather report.
• Order wedding invitations.
• Organize house for Entire Family to stay in at wedding.
• REMIND FRIENDS TO GET HOTEL ROOMS.
• Avoid nervous breakdown.
• Curse weather report.
• Note any indoor activities for parents, such as movies (Being Julia, Sideways, Million Dollar Baby, Finding Neverland, Hotel Rwanda), GB prez library (ugh, but), construction of mantel for fireplace (dad), garage-pool-sharking (mom).
• Remove blog from bookmarks.

Labels: family, house

is a funny story. i highly reccomend it as neccessary reading for all who might want to prevent eventual extragalactic invasion.

Labels: internet

wanna know what i think of you?

1. Reply with your name and I will write something about you.

2. I will then tell what song[s] remind me of you.

3. Next, I will tell you who you remind me of, celebrity/animated or otherwise.

4. Last, i will try to name a single word that best describes you.

5. Put this in your journal.

Labels: blogging

When small people show up at the front door bearing dollar chocolates, it is not a proof of the existence of god. But it is a proof that the universe is conspiring to con me out of all my change.

I have to stop carrying cash.

Labels: emptor

You are the Fool card. The Fool fearlessly begins the journey into the unknown. To do this, he does not regard the world he knows as firm and fixed. He has a seemingly reckless disregard for obstacles. In the Ryder-Waite deck, he is seen stepping off a cliff with his gaze on the sky, and a rainbow is there to catch him. In order to explore and expand, one must disregard convention and conformity. Those in the throes of convention look at the unconventional, non-conformist personality and think What a fool. They lack the point of view to understand The Fool's actions. But The Fool has roots in tradition as one who is closest to the spirit world. In many tribal cultures, those born with strange and unusual character traits were held in awe. Shamans were people who could see visions and go on journeys that we now label hallucinations and schizophrenia. Those with physical differences had experience and knowledge that the average person could not understand. The Fool is God. The number of the card is zero, which when drawn is a perfect circle. This circle represents both emptiness and infinity. The Fool is not shackled by mountains and valleys or by his physical body. He does not accept the appearance of cliff and air as being distinct or real. Image from: Mary DeLave Which Tarot Card Are You?

Labels: reflection, tests

The Return of Hobbes: Hobbes is reborn as Tyler to save "Jack" (a grown-up Calvin) from the slough of un-comic despair.

Calvin claims Hobbes pounces on him every day after school; Jack believes Tyler beats him up next to 40 kilotons of nitroglycerin in a parking garage—the list goes on and on. The relationships between the two sets of friends are the exact same. Is this mere coincidence? ... While Calvin and Susie mostly teased and tortured each other, Hobbes was infatuated with the raven-haired beauty. Accordingly, Jack despises Marla, whereas Tyler takes an *ahem* sort of interest in her ... The leaders of both organizations constantly engage in fisticuffs, but only in G.R.O.S.S. (and never in Fight Club) does a member receive a demerit for biting ... Other than to "save" Calvin, it’s entirely possible that Tyler’s real motivation for taking down civilization is simply to get back at Calvin’s father. For by destroying the society that forced Calvin into repressing Hobbes, he’s also destroying the society that Calvin’s father, after all, epitomizes. And this of course allows Hobbes an indirect measure of revenge ... Beyond that, his excellent vocabulary and way with words are still with him in the voice-over narration of Fight Club, and his rampant materialism that started with mail-order propeller-beanies ends with yin-yang shaped tables...

"Tyler wears a fur coat near the end of the movie. What is the significance of this garment, given his past incarnation as a jungle animal? Discuss."

Labels: media

dear everybody,

please note the new yahoo fotos link on the left-hand side. Note the progress on the fireplace under "our house" and how cute the puppy dogs are under "our dogs." Further pictures will be posted as events warrant.

=liz

Labels: internet, wedding

just so everyone knows. this is really fucking complicated. i've never done anything remotely this big before. and while the marriage makes me happy - i get to spend my life with m! and any typed exclamations of joy, well, are so not me. But this is where they would go. Because, absolute elation - the wedding makes me crazy. Anxious. There's just so freaking much. Overwhelming doesn't begin to cover it. And this weird combination of whatthehellisgoingon with happyhappyhappyhappy - see, if it wasn't simultaneous, then i would think that this was what manic depressives feel like, but aren't they supposed to be only one at a time?

Labels: emptor, wedding

- the cream cheese and spinach layer? that's so us. A girl at work - one of those never-drinking, no never-drinking, religious types - there was a conversation about the $2 pint night, which we go to every week, on thursdays. And she thought that obviously someone who Didn't Drink would never go, because it wouldn't be any fun, because of course everyone who drinks only does so to get sloppy-drunk. And we have people that Don't Drink come sometimes. and they seem to have a good time. but that's not what we do. we don't go out and get sloppy-drunk nearly as much as this Girl That Doesn't Drink thinks. and i couldn't convince her of this. "well, why are you drinking beer if you're not getting drunk?" Because it tastes good. Because i can go out and chill with my friends and have decent food and play bar trivia and be annoyed at politics and yeah, maybe get a little relaxed, but not to the point where someone who Didn't Drink would hate me. As evidenced by the people who Don't Drink who come out and still have a good time, because they keep coming back. And what if everyone who Doesn't Drink, No Never, No Not At All, thinks that everyone that does drink does so to get sloppy drunk every single time? Mass delusion.

because we're in the layer with enough disposable income that we - it was on PRI the other day - that people with less disposable income drink to get drunk because they're not going to "waste" money on beer if they're not planning on being completely shitfaced, so countries/neighborhoods/areas with less income in general has more far-gone alcoholics and more people that Don't Drink No Not Ever. but the people with more disposable income, drink because beer tastes good. And don't really get shitfaced nearly as often as this girl, or as their parents, for example, might think they do, by how often they go to the $2 pint night. and we're in that layer of society, only the lower end of the layer, in which we can only afford the $2 pint night and can't go on other nights. And this girl at work is in that stratum, too, at least, she makes more than me. But she's delusional.

Labels: politics

my hair changed color first. Then the fireplace. The fireplace isn't done changing colors yet. and m's concern about whether or not it would look "real" is somewhat of a valid one but only because i'm a perfectionist. And it's going to need to be tea-stained or something. My hair will wash out in four weeks.

Pictures to follow as soon as the digital camera (which now has rechargeable batteries) becomes installed into one or more computers.

Labels: house

so, last week, only not really last week because i'm sure it was an ages-old episode from years ago, since HBO isn't something we get and TBS is, but, so, last week, (season 4, episodes in the low 60's) on sex and the city, aidan proposes to carrie, and carrie flips out because she "Doesn't Have the Bride Gene." she says she ought to be "put in a test tube and studied." She's not all excited about the hoopla. And yes be-with-you-forever and yes i'm-in-love and yes unimaginable, but because she's not all WICced-out and nuts-for-bridal, her relationship dissolves and she almost loses her apartment. Because she doesn't have her Bride Gene her life comes to this awful screeching halt and there are issues on top of issues. On top of tissues.

And this episode pissed me off to no end. Maybe it shows. but, SATC writing team, you are Bad For Women. you pretend to make a show about four happy single womyn in The City and you sneak in all this bullshit and what kind of messages is that sending? you support the capitalist patriarchy and stereotypes about independent chicas and nobody spends forty grand on shoes, you idiots, this is why i don't watch television. I should stop. But i don't have the Bride Gene either - or at least i have a malformed, barely-expressed version of it. and i'm not losing my relationship or my house.

No pressure. Yeah freaking right. This is what i'm talking about.

Labels: media, politics

the gave me a beige ford focus rental with 117 miles on it. This may be the newest car i've ever driven. It's not so bad as the others; it may be my favorite rental car. It feels big, though. High up. Nice, tight brakes, a little slow in the first gear, but not limp-wristed or anything. Oddly big-feeling considering it's still technically a compact car. Though it does have two more doors than the Pontiac pile-of-crap they gave me last time. So when the rent-a-car guy opens the door this waft of new-car-smell comes out. I think it's still on its first tank of gas. Only they took up my entire lunch hour finding me a damn car to drive while they fix the Veedub. So now the new car - which still only has 120 miles on it - instead of having that New Car Smell, it has the desperate reek of Burger King.

because since M is still sick, we're not going to the bar tonight, and that's gotta cut a thousand calories or more out of my weekly total. But i have to say that angus burger that burger king has been advertising - well, it's not as thickly greased as some, and it does have grilled onions, but it comes with way too much flimsy, wilted lettuce and some sort of weird not-really-aromatic-in-the-way-you'd-expect barbecue sauce. So. Focus: yes. Angus burger: no. Yecch.

Labels: emptor

never buy a volkswagen.

repeat, never, ever, ever buy a volkswagen. no matter how fun they are to drive, or how they look at you with those big glowy dials on the dash, or what you might think of the long and distinguished history of German engineering, never buy a volkswagen. even though they have moonroofs and leather seats, even if they have the fairly-decent gas mileage, even with all the lovely details on the interior - the hydraulic door-handles, the visor lights that switch off automatically, the more than decent sound system - never buy a volkswagen. It's all a facade. Smoke and mirrors. Because as soon as you put your faith in it, as soon as you start to love driving the damn thing, with its cheery zip and that turbocharged step and the nice relaxing vroom, as soon as you start to breathe easy around it, it craps out. Again. and then just when you think it's fixed and you have your car back that you love and you can drive it all you want, it craps out. Again.

it's my first car. and it's too late for the texas lemon law (which has to be done in the first 24 months or 24000 miles). and what if i bought a shitty car? what does a person do when that person has a shitty car? what kind of schmuck does that make me? i don't want to be a schmuck.

Labels: emptor

*not very factual on motorcycles either

:anmut: :annika: :chin: :dooce: :ewok mama: :food: :little frog school: :lj: :longform: :low odysseys: :natalya: :rich: :salon: :slate: :this is how: :unique yn:



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