scrawls.

scrawls

still cheaper than therapy*

31.7.06

The list of people that cannot come in my house grows.

1. Hilde from Trading Spaces
2. That Food 911 Dickwad
3. Mel Gibson
and nobody can ever challenge me on that last one. Ever. i'm glad i never bought Braveheart because i'd have to ask for it back (remember, we gave away all the movies) just to burn the damn thing. And also because then i would have somehow contributed to the pile of cash that worthless ape is collecting.

People who i do not, yet, hate enough to not piss on if they were burning, but who are very very close, and if someday they are ever on fire and i noticed and was nearby and had to pee, they might hope somebody else was nearby to pee on them too, just in case, like that's ever going to happen, but still, it illustrates a point:
1. The president
2. That little blonde ho on So You Think You Can Dance
3. The vice president
4. Kathy Griffin
5. Ann Coulter
6. Whoever made the decision to cancel Firefly - i need a reason to watch TV again
7. N Sync (and, they so only count as one person)
tags:mel gibson is a jackass

scrawled @ 21:48

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26.7.06

straight up and dirty

because when one of My Bloggers writes a book, and even if they have two hundred thousand unique readers a month they are still Mine and i Found Them, i buy it. even if there is a typo on the first page (but that happens so often: i ought to be a copy editor). This is instance no. 2 of me buying one of my favorite bloggers' books and i am a total genius for Finding Them First. Hopefully the rest of you people will take the hint and get pen to freaking paper. also as really it is equally likely: if anybody writes a screenplay, i promise to see the movie.

also, i am preemptively reccomending it. tags:stephanie klein

scrawled @ 21:14

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24.7.06

Wien

eek. in the removal of all the Clothes i Don't Ever Fucking Wear, it occurs to one, over and over and over again: in moving to a place that is certainly in the running for, even if it doesn't quite win hands-down any more, the Most Fashionable City on the Planet, what am i gonna wear? what does a young professional look like, over there? and more importantly, what does a young professional not look like, and how many other clothes can i get rid of on this basis? Because i'm betting a lot.

also, is then-Herrdoktor M going to be able to part with baggy shorts, as it's below freezing in austria, oh, most of the time? (honey, what on earth did you do in wisconsin? i can't remember. But all the men in europe appear to be wearing dark-wash skinny jeans. he already wants a messenger bag: if i can just get him a decent hat we'll be okay.)

scrawled @ 23:12

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19.7.06

not a meme, i do not participate in memes

Mercutio.
Pippin.
Captain Louis Renault.
Clemenza.
Sometimes there are pairs: Inigo Montoya and Andre the Giant.
Fred and George.

Proof: Johnny Depp is SO HOTTER than orlando motherfucking bloom. Yall can keep his scrawny pale unfunny ass.

Labels: tests

scrawled @ 23:21

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17.7.06

see, if we were greek gods, then accepting black raspberries would be a signal of forgiveness, or healing, or something.

a girl can dream. Besides, i gave everybody raspberries. even Emily's tree. so a signal of any one thing would just be silly.

scrawled @ 16:36

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13.7.06

i'm going camping in the cold north woods for four days with a pile of warm clothes (it's barely gonna hit 80! and it might rain!) and a bunch of smelly tree-hugging hippies. (And am damned excited about it.) but anyway. Naturally, this means i HAVE to shave my legs. tags:powell house

scrawled @ 03:55

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12.7.06

frere.hermano.irmao.fiutestver.bruder.fratello.

so. if i can be as gentle with. Everyone else is fine. That boy at the vet that was, for instance. And i was. but that was only. and i knew. if i can just be. And not. And remember to. If i can hold the peace that is. Over five days. and why is it that i always can for all the others. and i wish it would just all. but not. because then. Four days. And since i can. i should be. but then. and then. and then. Four days. And what if. because it will. and i don't know. if it could just be easier. At all. and can i just stop?

god be with me.

scrawled @ 17:15

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11.7.06

i'm going to freeze

i'm so excited. and i have way too many things i have to get done here before being gone for a week. And it'll be entirely different camping in a place where it actually goes down to the 60's at night. Or at all. a high of 87 all week! i'm going to completely freeze. Only i bet i won't even notice. tags:powell house

scrawled @ 16:46

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10.7.06

newsflash: Zidane a fucking moron.

And also my hero.

scrawled @ 17:50

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6.7.06

just as a hint

you might be a redneck if:

you live between ranches with (1) donkeys and (2) goats and often see (3) beef (it's what's for dinner) when driving to work in the mornings
you fix your venetian blinds with hand-tooled bits of scrap metal
you happen to know for a fact that bambi can be a part of a perfectly good spaghetti sauce (it's, like, Tuscan, or something - they have deer in europe, right?)
your dog escapes through the fence because it wants (it really, really wants) to play with aforementioned goats
your husband's neck is sunburned, and guess what.

On the other hand, you might be a geek if

you wonder why there is a Twi'lek in the pirate movie.

They cancel out. right?

scrawled @ 19:55

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3.7.06

the thing about the devil wears prada

is that i would not pay full price for it if i were you. Also that there were poor, sad-looking, thoroughly bored boys in the theatre, each following their respective, bouncy, completely empty-headed girlfriend like a heavily sedated basset hound. And they looked even worse after.

also. Things we Could have learned from Meryl that, instead, we learned from Clerks, ages ago, and which every movie since has failed at:

1. Do not link your sense of self-worth to your job.
Clerks: I'm stuck in this pit, working for less than slave wages, working on my day off, the steel shutters are closed, I deal with every backward-assed fuck on the planet, I smell like shoe polish, my ex-girlfriend is catatonic after fucking a dead guy, and my present girlfriend has sucked thirty-six dicks. (Thirty-seven.)
TDWP: (icy look of misplaced ambition-by-proxy)

2. Do not pay attention to other people's opinions.
Clerks: Cancer merchant! Cancer merchant!
TDWP: (icy look of failed communication)

3. Just because they're your boss doesn't mean they're supposed to be walking all over you.
Clerks: I'm not even supposed to be here today.
TDWP: (icy look of, i guess, or i'm supposed to assume, melting faces)

4. Life sucks.
Clerks: "Empire" had the better ending. Luke gets his hand cut off, finds out Vader is his father, uh, Han gets frozen, taken away by Boba Fett. It ends on such a down note.
TDWP: (icy look of, really, couldn't they have at least tried? by now?)

5. In a relationship, many things are important. Many other things are not.
Clerks: There's a million fine looking women in the world, dude. But, they don't all bring you lasagna at work.
TDWP: (boring puppy-dog boyfriend, blah blah blah, boring boring boring)

6. Do not take this shit seriously, what you do to pay the rent.
Clerks: Christ, you work in a convenience store, Dante - and badly I might add. I work in a shitty video store, badly as well.
TDWP: (oh, come the fuck on, already.)

they're making a clerks 2. it is (i'm convinced of it) not going to measure up. look, it's not. why? because in the Kevin Smith universe, we know, now, that Alanis Morisette is God. and now that we know that? it's just not the same any more. on top of which i'm not 14, which makes a difference. Dear Kevin Smith, after this, stop while you're (still just a little bit, just by a hair, really, because Ben Affleck's nose isn't doing you any damn favors) ahead, before you completely embarras yourself. Again.

scrawled @ 20:49

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