scrawls.

scrawls

still cheaper than therapy*

26.5.11

new chapter

(or, rather, i may have skipped several chapters, i can't ... have that conversation, over and over and over, i can't. i'm done. i won't.)

i think maybe something in me is whole that wasn't before.

but that isn't it - that isn't it at all. those are entirely the wrong words, it's

maybe i should learn tibetan. maybe hindu. aramaic, even. i don't think it would go any better in german. but i

i was thinking about it and i think i may have been raptured. maybe this is it. and the funny thing is

i knew this would come, i found my path to this moment, i

How boring, though, to read about a happy medium, when Candide has been around for centuries.

and i can't put the sordid details up, it'd all be so very Page Six. i won't. but without the bones of the story it won't make sense: M left; he took the dog and i kept E; i worked, and i waited, and i healed; and then i met Y, and of course M has been with A since before the beginning of it all, and now my life is alphabet soup on a very complicated schedule. Nobody plans that.

i mean for this to sound happy. i am not sure i am communicating in an effective manner. every time someone new hears what happened they go oh how awful, my god, you poor thing if they know how to react at all, and a lot of people don't, even remotely, and yes of course that is all true, objectively, it was hideous. But it's not the point.

I will have a balcony, a real live balcony, facing south to the sun and the grass and the trees, i will have a whole new apartment to find things to hang on the walls, a new kitchen to organize, breakfast and dinner every day, with my family that is growing again to include this new other grownup person. That, that is what i mean, right there.

Labels: drama, family, writing

scrawled @ 22:26

Annika said...27/5/11 23:02 ...
life is so funny, the way it changes over time and then one day it's just different.

Crystal T. said...28/5/11 04:17 ...
Hm, did it post my comment? I will try again!

I am so very happy to hear you've found that happy medium. It's a great thing.

Anonymous said...29/5/11 14:31 ...
The honeysuckle bushes that you and I dug up along the riverbank have been growing patiently in the back yard all these years. They are now more than six feet tall and smell very sweet when I am digging the garden. -- Dad

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