11.19.2009

Labels: food

10.22.2009 can't hit publish. not like this.

bad day. Again and again and again and again and again and.

Labels: drama

10.07.2009 This is good coffee.

I have been getting fantastic reviews at work.

My daughter is smart and strong and healthy and beautiful.

Tomorrow i am going to a chocolate factory.

People exist who love me.

With no dog i can finally get my house clean.

With no husband ... i ... can ... live like this. I can live like this.

Labels: drama, random

10.01.2009 honey, you don't deserve this.

you are so exuberant, so vital. And i feel like your life and your future is crumbling and i can't stop it and you can't either, of course.

There are so many cliches i could use. So many. And the world is spinning, dancing like lights, swirling like vultures or sharks. Like a hurricane. Killer bees. and here i am at the eye, the center, the vortex, the nadir, where nothing ever changes and nothing is ever surprising if i expect the worst and i can see the thought hanging there, in people's heads, from thousands and thousands and thousands of miles away, and they breathe and don't say it but it comes out anyway, i can feel it in the air.

Anyway.

This is the cake i am making for you, from here - half of this recipe makes one Bear-Shaped Silicone Cake Pan:

Servings: Makes 3 loaf cakes or 1 bundt or tube cake

Comments:
Rosh Hashanah-Jewish New Year
Celebrated this year (2004) from sundown September 15th to sundown September 17th.

I created this recipe for Rosh Hashanah Honey Cake after searching "high and low" for an easy yet scrumptious dessert to serve at our Rosh Hashanah dinner this year. I finally gave up on all of the honey cake recipes I looked at (and there are a zillion of them out there!!) and decided to create my own Moist and Tender Honey-Applesauce Cake recipe from scratch. Since apples and honey are such a big part of the Jewish New Year meal, what better type of dessert to make than a cake that incorporates both of these wonderful "sweet" foods.

My husband Kenny says, "the cake is sweet, but not too sweet, and has just the perfect texture and is moist and just a little bit spongey", which he likes in a cake. He also says to mention that it goes so well with a nice cup of coffee.

I have to agree with him, taking a bite of the cake and then a sip of coffee is heaven. I am sure you'll love this cake too. It will definitely make your New Year start off on a "sweet" note.

One word of advice though, do NOT leave out the applesauce as this is what makes this cake so moist and delicious.

L' Shanah Tovah, ("for a good New Year")....Diana

Ingredients:
Dry Ingredients:
3 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
1 cup granulated sugar
1/2 cup light or dark brown sugar
2 tsp. baking soda
2 tsp. baking powder
2 tbsp. ground cinnamon
2 tsp. ground nutmeg
1/2 tsp. ground cloves
1/2 tsp. ground allspice

Liquid Ingredients:
1 cup clear honey
1 cup vegetable oil
1 cup strongly brewed tea, cooled to room temperature
3 large eggs
1/4 cup orange liqueur or orange juice
1 1/3 cups unsweetened applesauce
1 tsp. vanilla extract

Optional Ingredients:
1/2 cup raisins, golden or dark
1/2 to 3/4 cup chopped almonds or walnuts (or other nuts of your choice)

Topping: (optional)
Confectioners' sugar
Sliced or slivered almonds or chopped walnuts

Instructions:
Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (180 C). Lightly grease or spray a 9 or 10-inch tube, angel food or bundt cake pan, or three (8 x 4-inch) loaf pans. If you are using an angel food, tube or loaf pans, line the pan (s) with parchment paper and lightly grease or spray parchment paper also. (Note: Because of the design of a bundt style pan, it cannot be lined with parchment, so this type of pan MUST be lightly greased with butter or shortening, or sprayed with a non-stick cooking spray).

In a large mixing bowl, combine all of the dry ingredients. Mix well.

In a small bowl, combine honey with oil. Add honey/oil mixture to dry ingredients and whisk in the remaining liquid ingredients in the order stated above. Add raisins and chopped nuts if using. Combine thoroughly.

Pour batter into prepared cake pan (s) and bake in preheated 350 degree F (180 C) oven for 60 to 70 minutes if using a tube, angel food or bundt pan. If using three loaf pans, bake cakes for 45 to 55 minutes. Cake (s) should spring back when lightly pressed when done and when cake tester inserted in cake comes out clean.

Remove cake (s) from oven and leave in pan (s) for 10 minutes before inverting onto wire rack (removing parchment paper) to cool completely. For best flavor, make the cake (s) the day before you are going to eat them. Wrap cake (s) in aluminum foil or plastic wrap and store at room temperature for up to 3 days.

When ready to serve, transfer cake to serving plate and dust top with confectioners' sugar and sprinkle with sliced or slivered almonds or chopped walnuts, if desired.

Makes one (9 or 10-inch) tube or bundt cake, or three (8 x 4-inch) loaf cakes.

Note: Cake may also be made in a rectangular 9 x 13-inch baking pan. If making in this size pan, bake cake for 40 to 45 minutes.

Freezing:
Although this cake tastes best a day or two after baking, it also tastes very nice after being frozen and thawed. This is a cake that freezes well. To freeze, wrap cooled cake (s) in aluminum foil and then wrap in plastic wrap and place in a zip-loc bag; seal, label and date. Cake will keep 4 to 6 months in the freezer.

To Thaw and Serve:
Thaw cake at room temperature, covered, 3 to 4 hours.

Honey Tips:
When making either cakes or cookies with honey, first mix the honey with the fat or the liquid in the recipe. Then mix it thoroughly with the other ingredients. If this is not done, a soggy layer will form on the top of your cookies or cakes.

Desserts or other goodies made with honey brown faster than foods made with other sweeteners. So when you bake desserts made with honey, set the oven temperature 25 degrees F lower than what is indicated in the recipe.

Source: Diana Baker Woodall© 2004
Date: August 31, 2004

i have it in the oven. I have raised the motivation i needed to make it: i'm not a baker, it was hard. Mommy is sad, sweetheart. And it's not your fault, and you make me so happy, which in turn makes me so angry that someone could do this to you, could consider doing this to you. Your statistical possibilities will plummet, your probabilities of doing all the things which are not so nice will rise ...

You are two. And I will always, always, always love you, and now at least, at last, I know that when I say that I mean it, come what may.

I will do all that I can to keep a home for you in which you are loved and safe and don't have to worry about things children shouldn't have to worry about. I will keep it together for you when I can because when Mommy cries it scares you.

You have stacks and stacks of presents and since I am writing this before we have opened them all I don't even know what they all are yet: you have girly flowery headbands and a shiny princess tiara with pink rhinestones and marabou feathers, you have a lot of new Duplos so i don't think more will fit in your big Duplo storage box (or at least not very many more), you have a trumpet and a cute in-tune xylophone and we brought out the drum again, you have sticker books about bugs and potty-going and fish and dinosaurs, you have a hobby-horse that neighs when you push a button, you have clothes and shoes and boots, balloons, colorful band-aids, and our neighbor gave you your first Twinkies, full of globby cream and preservatives. My big girl!

You are so tall, now, and you talk all the time, with sentences in English and sentences in German, and you know who speaks which language, and you can run run run and walk all the way back from the tagesmutter's, you can kick things and throw things and climb things, you can build real things with the Duplos and claim that what you have drawn is representative of something, and you can do so much and know so much and understand so much. (Which makes it all worse, somehow.)

E, i love you, baby. It's all that keeps me going, some days, but i'm doing my best.

Labels: drama, milestones

9.14.2009 • 3 cups flour
• 4 whole eggs
• 1 tsp. salt
• 1/2 cup sugar
• not quite 1/2 quart of milk
• 1/4 cup melted butter
• 3 heaping Tbls. lard
• Confection sugar
In a bowl mix the flour, 4 eggs, salt, milk and melted butter.
Mix with a whisk until smooth.
Melt the lard in a cast iron pot, get it very hot!
Pour in all the batter at once and cook it as a large pancake, over high heat.
As it cooks lift up the edges of the pancake to let the uncooked batter flow underneath.
When it is completely set, pull apart the pancake with the spatula and turn pieces over to cook on the other side. The pancake pieces should have some browned edges.
This dish only takes a few minutes to make, but you must stay with it if you do not want to have charred pieces.
Pile onto a serving dish, and sprinkle the top with powdered sugar.

Labels: food, mom's recipes

9.13.2009 • 1 tablespoon vegetable oil
• 1 onion, chopped
• 1 (10 ounce) package frozen chopped spinach, thawed and drained
• 5 eggs, beaten
• 3 cups shredded Muenster cheese
• 1/4 teaspoon salt
• 1/8 teaspoon ground black pepper

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C). Lightly grease a 9 inch pie pan.
2. Heat oil in a large skillet over medium-high heat. Add onions and cook, stirring occasionally, until onions are soft. Stir in spinach and continue cooking until excess moisture has evaporated.
3. In a large bowl, combine eggs, cheese, salt and pepper. Add spinach mixture and stir to blend. Scoop into prepared pie pan.
4. Bake in preheated oven until eggs have set, about 30 minutes. Let cool for 10 minutes before serving.

Ideas:
a TOUCH OF NUTMEG and GARLIC
I slightly under cook them so I can pop them in the microwave at work for a nice breakfast.
dill and feta or basil or nutmeg
If using fresh spinach instead of frozen, use 8 c. washed and chopped.
Mushrooms or an extra egg.
I pour the mixture into muffin pan for bite sized baby quiches.
garlic and monterrey jack cheese
mozzarella and colby jack. tomatoes, red pepper, and ham.
egg whites, or egg substitute
more vegetables
tomato slices and bacon crumbled on top

Labels: food, mom's recipes

9.12.2009 8 oz. Cream Cheese
8 oz. (2 sticks) Butter
2 cups Flour
Salt & Pepper to taste
Glaze: Egg yolk and ~1 Tsp. of milk
Possible additions: crisped bacon bits, sesame or caraway seeds, onion bits, etc.

1. Soften cream cheese and butter at room temperature.
2. Work cream cheese, butter and flour together well by hand.
3. Roll out (on a lightly flowered surface) to about ½ inch thickness, and fold over; repeat this 2x.
4. Rest in fridge ~ ½ hour (or overnight), covered (plastic wrap or bags).
5. Repeat sequence of rolling out/folding/chilling in fridge 3x.
6. Last time, on the 3rd roll-out, score the top with a knife to get a small crosshatch design all over (cut very shallow lines close together in one direction, then at about right angles to the first ones).
7. “Paint” top with milk/egg yolk mixture.
8. Sprinkle w/crisp bacon bits or other toppings if you like.
9. Cut out small circles 1 to 1 ½ inch in diameter (I use a cut-off film can).
10. Let stand 10 minutes at room temperature.
11. Bake on a cookie sheet @350 until they are golden colored.
12. Remove from cookie sheet when they are slightly cooled.

Labels: food, mom's recipes

9.11.2009 1 1/2 cups whole-wheat pastry flour
1 cup all-purpose flour
2 teaspoons baking soda
2 teaspoons ground ginger or 4 teaspoons finely chopped fresh ginger
1 ½ teaspoons ground cinnamon
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 large egg
1/2 cup packed dark brown sugar
1/4 cup canola oil
1 cup molasses
1 cup applesauce
1/2 cup buttermilk

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees Fahrenheit. Coat an 8x11-1/2-inch baking pan with cooking spray.

2. Whisk both flours, baking soda, ginger, cinnamon, and salt in a bowl. Set aside.

3. Place egg, sugar, and oil in a large bowl. Beat with an electric mixer on high speed until thick and creamy. Reduce speed to low and beat in molasses and applesauce.

4. With a rubber spatula, gently mix reserved dry ingredients and buttermilk into egg mixture, making 3 additions of dry ingredients and 2 additions of buttermilk. (Do not overmix.)

5. Scrape batter into prepared pan. Bake until a skewer inserted in the center comes out clean, 35 to 45 minutes. Let cool slightly in the pan on a wire rack. Serve warm.

Labels: food, mom's recipes

8.11.2009 4 teaspoons fresh grated ginger
4 teaspoons honey, or more to taste
2 cups seltzer water
Lemon slices
Ice

1. Finely chop or shred ginger in a food processor or with a hand grater. Boil 2 cups water and add the ginger. Cover and steep for 10 minutes. Strain.

2. Add honey.

3. Let cool to room temperature. Pour 1/2 cup into a glass. Add seltzer, a lemon slice, and ice. Stir and serve. Refrigerate any leftovers.

Labels: food, mom's recipes

7.20.2009 a deliberately empty post

Labels: drama

7.10.2009 Bought a summer rain coat. It was cheap. Now after not even a freaking month it has lost two buttons and the hanging tag. Is identical to this one and it's on sale now and i wants it. Should learn. Proper outerwear. Not the cheap stuff. (Learn also: shoes.)

Labels: emptor

7.06.2009 Your grandparents, M's parents, are here visiting, and you recognized them from Skype immediately. Every day since they have been here, immediately when you wake up or at least when the doorbell rings you shriek, MIMI! GRAMPA! and are very happy and excited. I think the bunch of you are having lots of fun, going to the park and playing with all the toys they brought (the magnetic dress-up princess doll is a big hit, and the puzzle with doors is completely a new idea) and you are reading each other books (you have to narrate the German ones and point out what is a tatu tatu) and showing off all your words. They say they believed us, that you had so many words, but it is a little hard to picture, not even two and completely uncountable. You made pretty good guesses at all the animals in the zoo (bison, okay, it is understandable that you might guess bear) and what one year olds can say ostrich? This one. And zebra and rhino and hippo and elephant and giraffe and bear and otter and penguin and duck and flamingo. So you all had fun at the zoo, too.

You are also remembering things that we say we will do later. Case in point: the morning of the zoo, we'd said the day previous that we were going, so you shrieked upon waking, MIMI! GRAMPA! ZOOOOOOOO! ANIMALS! and we said yes that's right, chill out and have some yogurt ... so there is no more "we can have that later" putting you off indefinitely.

You can sit all the way through Finding Nemo and when you are sitting on your grandparents' laps you can play with the magnetic dress-up princess doll for simply ages. There is a new toy that i got you, for once, a train where you push the conductor's hat and it scoots across the floor, and you can pretty accurately play catch with that with somebody on the far side of the room.

You like to try on barettes and sunglasses and hats and you have this one favorite dress, magenta with orange and blue and pink flowers, and every time you lay eyes on that dress you want to wear it. But sometimes you are sad if you can't also wear your Pingu shirt at the same time ... i think we are going to be some of those parents that let you dress yourself, with minor alterations, like you can choose your shoes if Mama chooses your pants, or you can wear that shirt if you wear it over this one. Clearly i am going to have to acquire you a ballerina tutu and some more dinosaur clothes to complete the look.

6.04.2009 More sentences. Mama come. Sit down. Red yogurt. Go fast. Byebye people. And you can say please and dankeschön and bitte, and you can repeat numbers and nearly all the letters of the alphabet (your favorite is W: dubble ooo!) and will repeat many words that are said. You like to count, or to pretend to count, though it's hard to tell which. You are of course able to request more things as you have words for them: Song Pie! (which begins, of course, A long, long, time ago... ) or Swing high or ... it is now impossible to keep track of your words, to count them.

You will sit still and watch videos while i cut your fingernails, finally, which is much better than the previous options, which consisted of waiting until you were asleep in your stroller and doing it then (which is like disarming a land mine) or a pitched battle involving both parents alternately trying to keep you frantically distracted or hold you still, neither of which were really possible. Cutting your fingernails all at once in seven minutes (because that's two run-throughs of the crocodile song) is a lot better than cutting them one at a time over a day and a half.

You are understanding words like "later," like "soon." Though i think all words like this mean "five seconds from now" to you, it still helps a little.

You can climb up a ladder and sit down at the top and slide down a slide by yourself (though Mommy doesn't let you do the big ones, yet) and you can hold on to the big kid swing. You can climb on to the rabbit-on-a-spring and the sliding-cat and the teeter totter. You like dropping stuff on the merry go round and making it spin. You like playing in sandboxes, scooping sand or dirt or bits of playground mulchy stuff into cups or buckets, dumping them, trading them, pouring them into each other. You like chasing pigeons, petting strange dogs, and every time you hear the train you want to run and watch it. You can drink from a cup without spilling any. You can kick and throw balls (um, and also trucks and blocks and stuffed animals. Mostly trucks).

We made it to Istria and back in the car and you don't hate the car so much as you used to, in part i think because you are facing forwards now (maybe you were carsick, going backwards?) and in part because you can eat really absolutely anything, so as long as we keep you stocked with eight kinds of crackers and a large variety of fruit and also a nice bottle of camping milk you're mostly okay. Sleeping in a strange place you were again fine (with the Magical Baby Fleece Blanket from IKEA, natch) and we had brought all the regular food, baby yogurt and Cheerios and orange juice. And when we were there of course we went to the OCEAN and it was BIG and COLD and WATERY and it tasted funny and you went swimming (we were careful to keep you in your depth, and also away from the sea urchins - there weren't any jellyfish, but there was a very high concentration of sea urchins in some areas) and you loved it. I'd been telling you to imagine water as far as you could see for a couple of days and we'd been practicing saying OCEAN (OSHUNNNN) and i think it was everything you had ever dreamed and more. You stayed in until your lips turned purple like mine used to, and then when we put you down dry and dressed you tried to run for it again and again and again.

Labels: milestones, toddler

5.08.2009 Sometimes you have days where you don't stop moving at all, and these days are exhausting and funny, and sometimes you have days where you won't leave my side at all and want to be held all the time and make your dying banshee noises if i put you down to even make you lunch, and these days are exhausting and funny afterward.

We are finally, really and truly, done with the breastfeeding. At about eighteen and a half months you were still at just one feeding a day, just before bed, and for a couple days when Nagymama was visiting too i did one day on and one day off, with Daddy or Nagymama putting you to bed, and i kept talking about how it was going to be really over soon, and i planned it all out and told you how it would go for weeks in advance. And then we had an every other day Mama bedtime for about a week, and on the last day i told you it was the last one, and the next few days we had Daddy or Nagymama do bedtime, and then after about three days i put you to bed, and we read three books, and sang one song, just like before, only with no nursing during the song. And this first time you protested, you cried, but it wasn't a tantrum and it wasn't anything out of control and it wasn't a desperate measure. And the next time you cried but only a little bit. And then there we were, done.

The weaning process was long and longer and longer still. When we got back from Turkey and France you had a couple of weeks on-demand again, after the travel, and then i installed a six times a day schedule, which wasn't any less really than you'd been feeding, we just had them at regular times. And then every few weeks i'd drop one, until you had just three: one first thing in the morning, and one before your nap or when we got home from work, and then one at bedtime. And then we dropped the first thing in the morning one. I let it go with two feeds for maybe a month, and dropped the nap/home one, and that one you were pretty attached to but we replaced it with yummy bottles and yogurt and pretzels and bread and jam and all the snacky things i could think of, for coming home, and the nap one i could cheat with a little bit and we'd go for a walk with the stroller exactly at nap time and you'd always pass out and have a nice nap in the stroller, and then eventually you could go down for a nap in your crib, too, though it's still not something you really enjoy. And then when Nagymama was visiting and M's german class was finally over i took my opportunity.

Been three weeks, now, and i'm drinking lots of sage tea to stop the milk still (though i think it is minimal, at this point) and you're fine, absolutely fine, not having any, and even when we see little babies nursing you point at them and notice and sometimes when i am changing my shirt you say milk! (oh, yeah, you can finally say milk, now) but you never ask for it. So for us it was a fine time to stop. I am slowly, slowly healing, finally, which is nice, too.

You are talking, more and more and more, and you know now that there are two separate languages: because if when you say swing somebody doesn't know what you mean, or immediately react by putting you on a swing, you immediately say schaukel and that gets your point across. In German. You can also say flower and blume and sometimes slide and rutsch. You are better every day at parroting what we say and can repeat most of the alphabet with varying degrees of success; one-syllable words, you can repeat (case in point: FJORD) and sometimes you do larger words or strings. You can say please if prompted. You can attach names to people, to your friends, to the dog. Some of the stuffed animals you can recognize by name. (we have: Frank the flamingo, Cairo the cat, Eleanor Roosevelt the teddy bear (Rosie for short), Domogo Domotor the other teddy bear (you call him Domdom), Pooh bear, the Cat in the Hat (but you think he's a baby), Zsazsa the duckling, OOOH the gorilla. There is also a yet-unnamed tiger, several baby dolls, a couple beanies, and a two-foot-long plastic alligator.)

We are heading into the summer high season again: Nagymama was here, as stated, and your uncle A and aunt C were here, and next weekend we've got three new visitors (one with a little girl, but she's not coming), and then it's off to here and there and more people coming and i love the chaos of summer, here, like this. We have plans to go to Croatia and Norway and Denmark and i am going to try and work in Germany and if this year you are as good a traveller as you were last year then it will be glorious. And for the big things you can be very happy and flexible and easy, even if for the little things you are not (because sometimes you need to select your own Cheerios? or be sitting two inches to the left? or be wearing only these winter boots when it is almost swimming weather? but you can eat anything and sleep anywhere.)

You can climb up the ladder of a slide, sit down, and slide. You can drink from a cup, without spilling. You know most of your colors, many body parts, some relatives. You know to put trash in the trash bin, that we wear hats when it is cold, that if you can get the dog to come and sit and lie down (by, very accurately, saying EMMMIIIEEEEE KOMMEN and SIT and DOWNNnnnn and doing exactly the right gestures) she will be slightly immobilized and you can snuggle her. You know the way to the babysitter's house. You know that when it is time for bed, resistance is futile, but that if you are not hungry, no Clean Plate Club membership is necessary. You know what chocolate is, what cows are, where tea comes from, how onions sizzle.

And i say you are learning like a tiger: because you are so ferocious and assertive about it, watching and paying attention and fiercely pursuing all that the world has in it. That's my girl.

Labels: breastfeeding, mamadom, milestones, toddler

4.19.2009 Ever since we came back i have been eating brioche at every opportunity. As a snack, with nutella. For breakfast, with butter and jam. In sandwich form. Stacks of grilled cheese. And i think i might be missing the point by maybe just a hair because i get the brioche from anywhere, including the discount grocery, not even a proper bakery, and sock it away in the toaster and then it is warm and the butter goes all melty.

We landed in Nice and instead of our two friends at the airport it was our two friends and their whole families and i think we'd met a sister before, but we're looking for a group of two and then this very big aggregate of people absolutely descends on us and we kiss and hug and kiss some more and forget how to say nice to meet you in French, because we are staying at their house tonight. And there our introductions all around and our luggage is already there so we truck off towards Italy, Italy, passing through Monaco on the way, and i haven't the foggiest idea if Monaco is part of the Schengen or not but there wasn't a border stop. And Monte Carlo looks just like in the movies: very well architectured, very clean, people in expensive clothes, automobiles so damn luxe i don't have the foggiest idea what they were. And we drove along part of the race track for the Monaco Grand Prix and i cannot freaking believe they drive so fast around those tiny tippy corners, the entire country is built on the side of a mountain going down into the sea, and that is why Europeans get so excited about Formula One. I am going to have to watch it.

And we drove along the coast and it is all Avenue This Fancy Thing, Boulevard So and So, Promenade of the Sun, and then it suddenly changes to Corso and we were in Italy. And we went to their tiny house in Grimaldi, and we had this delicious lamb - i think it was lamb - anyway it was delicious and E was very charming and i love French people and also France and Italy and Monaco. L's family made us feel absolutely at home and as it turned out i think we brought them nice things from Turkey: for them we had brought a big evil-eye charm with a bit of carpet attached which very conveniently doesn't have to be hung anywhere in particular to work but will - what, ward off? absorb? - protect you from bad luck if it is hung above the door like a horseshoe or equally well if it is hung in some other random place. Anyway they liked it and we liked them and E was pretty happy because our friends have a dog N, and L's family also has a dog whose name i forget, and both dogs are very large and E was happy.

We trucked off immediately to another tiny house of theirs - it is a good system, i think, to have many tiny houses - in Saorge, in France again, and we got there only when it was completely dark so this little village gave the impression of hanging off the side of a mountain like a spider. A very old spider with legs called Way of the ancient warrior and Bridge of the blue devils. And there was a pizza place in Saorge that we could walk to and so while we did not have pizza in Italy we had pizza very nearby and it was very good pizza and if it was not already known globally then i would tell all my friends about it. After the travelling - the flight in and then the assorted driving and trying to get to places - we went back to the second tiny house in France and they went back to the first tiny house in Italy and we all fell asleep.

The next day dawned and was beautiful and we walked all around the little village taking pictures until the camera battery died from something like an overload of picturesqueness. And then we got in the car and drove through the French countryside and it was like driving through a painting, seriously. Little rows of pointy trees and dotty bushes, soft hills receding, blue sky and white clouds, and it is crazy because you are driving along a perfectly normal highway and then you come to a particular vantage point and go WHY HELLO, CEZANNE. And then five seconds later you do it again. Van Gogh. Renoir. Matisse. That is really, actually, what it looks like, and i love Europe.

And finally we got to where we were going, which was Lans en Vercours, where all the Grenoble people go to ski, and where A's family lives. And they were very welcoming and we were very tired and the next morning A and her family went off to a baptism and we went with L to a monastery. Where his brother lives. In a Buddhist monastery. In the mountains of France. (Karma Migyur Ling, Montchardon.) So we met his brother and his brother was very happy living in the Buddhist monastery and he showed us around the place and some of it was perfectly normal dormitory kind of housing, that you wouldn't think necessarily belonged to a Buddhist monastery in the mountains of France, if you only looked at the outside of those buildings or in the rooms. And since he lived in one of these rooms, certainly Spartan but not unordinary, a friend of his with an apartment in a different part of the monastery lent us their kitchen so we could have tea and cookies, and L's other brother came with his son who was just a few months older than E, and we all went sledding and walking along the mountain and the roads and there were some very nice donkeys across the street and E took an extended nap in the ergo because we hadn't even brought the stroller, just the car seat. And other parts of the monastery were decorated with gold and with colorful prayer flags and big white seated buddhas, which was very unexpected in the mountains of France. For, you know, me. Yet, there they were, a big row of very large white seated buddhas. Not what you picture when you think "French."

The drive up to the monastery had made me very, very glad that L was driving and that I was not: it was on one of those torturous, switchyback hairpin roads, back and forth and up and up and up, full of gravel and ice and narrow passes between the trees. And the drive back down was the same thing only much more in the dark. I have seen roads that were less like roads, but some of these things - this one, and the road to Lans en Vercours, and the road down to Grenoble - really marvels of civic engineering. It would not have ever occurred to me that someone might want to put a road through the middle of that mountain or across the side of that cliff. Someone must have been really determined, and stubborn, to get a driveable road there. How on earth did people get there, and live there the year round, and get enough fresh vegetables, if they could only rappel across a great yawning chasm with a little stream way at the bottom? How can French cuisine be so great (and oh, it is) if the only things they could possibly get in the middle of winter must have been, at one point, mountain goat and lichen? No wonder they're so good with the cheeses. Huh.

(This is where i pause and go, oh, gods, Raclette. Picture me and Homer Simpson with matching trails of drool.)

The next day we went sledding with L and A and A's family and N the dog (who, one will note, was awfully patient with the baby, especially for a dog not used to babies). Living in the Alps of course they had several varieties of sled and we tried them all between us and made big trains of sledpeople, holding on with our knees and riding down the mountain together, and N the dog would come and herd us. and E was awake, this time, with her giant pink puffy snow coat and her giant pink puffy snow pants and her giant pink waterproof fuzzy boots, and M took her down the little last bit of the hill a few times and she really liked sledding with Daddy holding on to her (she couldn't put her arms down, with the giant pink puffy snow gear) but she made it very clear that she did not want to ride down the hill by herself, nor did she want to ride in the sled and be pulled home.

There was also a big set of Lego things and we had fun taking them apart and building more: the Eiffel Tower, the Golden Gate bridge, the Pyramids. E was not so into Legos yet but she must have been watching and learning like a very hungry tiger. She had a wonderful time in France: toddling about and going out to play in the snow and following the dog and she'd got several new toys for Christmas (including the puzzle with a lion piece that goes ROAR, and a plinky wooden xylophone) and there were magnets to put on the fridge and one of those wind-up bugs and a decorated tree to look at and a piano to bang on and lots of nice people to boggle around and also many delicious things to eat - we learned midway through that she really likes marinated bits of garlic, and also depitted marinated olives (cut in half) and bits of bell pepper and onion, and of course also lots of nice French bread and fancy fruits, and we'd mentioned that she likes yogurt so our lovely hosts had a lot of happy baby yogurt and she was absolutely loving it. Sometimes now we give her bits of garlic and she dips them in her strawberry baby yogurt. Sometimes now she is somewhat more rational to what our grownup-american taste buds are used to and dips her grilled cheese in soup, but sometimes ... not. For A's family hosting us we had brought several Turkish tiles from Izmir and i think they liked them, or i hope they liked them, because they gave E two goose figurines that they said had been a gift from the baker and she promptly broke them. Both. But then they said they didn't like the goose figurines anyway and it was fine, except of course you still feel bad about it and I wished we had brought them more stuff from Turkey.

Anyway, then we went to the cavern, the Grottes de Chorance, and you go in thinking, okay, some cave, but whatever, caves are cool, and they say not to touch anything because the stalactites take thousands of years to form and you're just going yeah, okay, and then the guide switches to all French and then you enter the cave and there are a kajillion tiny hollow soda straw stalactites and i have seen caves before and i have seen stalactites and (a) this cave is spectacular and (b) my photos are fucking fantastic. E slept through a lot of the cave but enjoyed walking around the hiking paths, and M and L were happy to find some wild Arabidopsis growing on the side of a cliff.

Then it was New Years' Eve and A's mom was kind enough to babysit E for us (she even got her to nap, though i didn't ask how) while we went skiing. Of course they have a favorite ski rental place for people to go - they have all their own skis, those people who live in the Alps - and they had enough warm ski pants for us to borrow everything and keep from freezing our toes. My toes were not even vaguely blue-numb at the end of the day and my toes are always blue-numb - so not only does this prove that the weird socks were warm, but also the ski shoes fit properly, i guess? Right? Anyway we went down the bunny slopes a couple of times with all of the various French telling us things we were doing wrong and mostly in agreement on it. And then we went down the next slopes up a couple of times. And then at the end of the day they took me down a - what, a blue? red? - an incredibly steep and terrifying mountain. Of course i made it down without dying but only just: luckily i am very good at falling over whenever anybody comes near me, at least, so i didn't put too many other people in danger.

Then we went home and then it was New Years' Eve dinner time and everyone got busy tying up stuffed calamaris and rinsing oysters and making sure the snails had enough butter and garlic and, i don't know, there were scallops and mussels and octopi and pate de foie gras, and if it is nice to the geese or if it is cruel to the geese i don't know but it is yummy. M hadn't had it before. And i don't know that i'd ever had a stuffed calamari that was quite so big before. There was music and dancing and silly hats (even for N the dog) and champagne and cheese and olives and wine and chartreuse and other liquers i couldn't even identify, and always apparently when one is an honored guest in France then just when you think you have had all the wine and all the chartreuse and all the desserts, even, they bring out the cheeeeeese. And i go all Wallace and Wensleydale.

On New Years' Day we went skiing again. Of course. This time there were rather more people, or at any rate it seemed like there were more people, and small people, too, whole groups of four-year-olds whizzing past confidently. M and i looked at the small people and swore that E would learn to ski now, while she can. Maybe not this winter, but the next. We went down several more large and steep and really high-grade mountains and standing at the top is very nice, more so than holding on to the lift (they have these funny lifts where you really do have to hold on and pay attention and your skis never leave the ground, it just pulls you up the hill while you grip it as hard as you can through the thick gloves) - standing at the top, waiting for all the other people to go down first so as to not severely injure them, you have a breather to look around at the view, at the little towns, the mountains, the sky, the clouds, the fog. The loopy grace of the people who have been doing this forever. The black paths, tiny, sharply angled trails between the trees, still high above. And then there is a space between groups and you go for it and go for about a second and fall, and L said that i kept falling because i was scared, and i said of course i kept falling because i was scared, i was quite deliberate about that. I just wanted to go slower, on average. And it is easier to not hurt other people when one is, well, stationary. But i didn't run into anybody really and i don't think any of us were severely hurt and it was exhilarating and exhausting and gorgeous and it's like unbridled freedom, finally when it's working, it's like flying, and i was probably still only going twelve miles an hour. I so want to go back. And be terrified again.

Then, sigh, time passes and we drove to Paris and we got to finally give L and A what we'd brought for them, a big mosaic hanging lamp from the markets in Fethiye. I had been waiting and waiting and waiting and holding my breath. In Paris we only had one real day and we had thought of all the things there are to do in Paris, and there are so many things to do in Paris, and in one day you can't do any of them justice anyway that we hadn't already done at one point or another (both M and i had been to Paris before, though separately at the time), so we didn't have to pay and ride up the Tower and we didn't have to go see the Arc de Triomphe and we didn't have to do anything, with the big lines of tourists we didn't have to see the inside of Notre Dame, et c., and one would not think, again, that walking and walking and walking through Paris past the architecture and the street musicians and the little painters shops and the cafes and the music, walking and walking and walking in early January does not sound relaxing. But it was the perfect ending. I couldn't trace where we walked on a map, or find it anywhere again. It was a real vacation, where you go and everything is perfect and beautiful and delicious and behind a curtain from the real world, removed from drama and politics and worry, and committing to plane tickets and long car rides with a toddler is a leap of faith at best, and this was far, far more than i had hoped for.

So now i have been to France twice. And now i can say, i know why people fall in love with it, i know why people go back. Again and again and again.

Labels: festivities, travel

A
A was once an apple pie,
Pidy
Widy
Tidy
Pidy
Nice insidy
Apple Pie!

B
B was once a little bear,
Beary!
Wary!
Hairy!
Beary!
Taky cary!
Little Bear!

C
C was once a little cake,
Caky
Baky
Maky
Caky
Taky Caky,
Little Cake!

D
D was once a little doll,
Dolly
Molly
Polly
Nolly
Nursy Dolly
Little Doll!

E
E was once a little eel,
Eely,
Weely
Peely
Eely
Twirly, Tweedy
Little Eel!

F
F was once a little fish,
Fishy
Wishy
Squishy
Fishy
In a Dishy
Little Fish!

G
G was once a little goose,
Goosy
Moosy
Boosy
Goosey
Waddly-woosy
Little Goose!

H
H was once a little hen,
Henny
Chenny
Tenny
Henny
Eggsy-any
Little Hen!

I
I was once a bottle of ink,
Inky
Dinky
Thinky
Inky
Black Minky
Bottle of Ink!

J
J was once a jar of jam,
Jammy
Mammy
Clammy
Jammy
Sweety-Swammy
Jar of Jam!

K
K was once a little kite,
Kity
Whity
Flighty
Kity
Out of sighty-
Little Kite!

L
L was once a little lark,
Larky!
Marky!
Harky!
Larky!
In the Parky,
Little Lark!

M
M was once a little mouse,
Mousey
Bousey
Sousy
Mousy
In the Housy
Little Mouse!

N
N was once a little needle,
Needly
Tweedly
Threedly
Needly
Wisky-wheedly
Little Needle!

O
O was once a little owl,
Owly
Prowly
Howly
Owly
Browny fowly
Little Owl!

P
P was once a little pump,
Pumpy
Slumpy
Flumpy
Pumpy
Dumpy, Thumpy
Little Pump!

Q
Q was once a little quail,
Quaily
Faily
Daily
Quaily
Stumpy-taily
Little Quail!

R
R was once a little rose,
Rosy
Posy
Nosy
Rosy
Bows-y - grows-y
Little Rose!

S
S was once a little shrimp,
Shrimpy
Nimpy
Flimpy
Shrimpy
Jumpy-jimpy
Little Shrimp!

T
T was once a little thrush,
Thrushy!
Hushy!
Bushy!
Thrushy!
Flitty-Flushy
Little Thrush!

U
U was once a little urn,
Urny
Burny
Turny
Urny
Bubbly-burny
Little Urn!

V
V was once a little vine,
Viny
Winy
Twiny
Viny
Twisty-twiny
Little Vine!

W
W was once a whale,
Whaly
Scaly
Shaly
Whaly
Tumbly-taily
Mighty Whale!

X
X was once a great king Xerxes,
Xerxy
Perxy
Turxy
Xerxy
Linxy Lurxy
Great King Xerxes!

Y
Y was once a little yew,
Yewdy
Fewdy
Crudy
Yewdy
Growdy, grewdy,
Little Yew!

Z
Z was once a piece of zinc,
Tinky
Winky
Blinky
Tinky
Tinkly Minky
Piece of Zinc!

Labels: random

A birdie with a yellow bill
Hopped upon the window sill,
Cocked his shining eye and said:
"Ain't you 'shamed, you sleepy-head?"

Labels: random

There was an Old Man with a beard,
Who said, "It is just as I feared!-
Two owls and a hen,
Four larks and a wren,
Have all built their nests in my beard!"

Labels: random

I have a little shadow that goes in and out with me,
And what can be the use of her is more than I can see.

She is very, very like me from the heels up to the head;
And I see her jump before me, when I jump into my bed.

The funniest things about her is the way she likes to grow-
Not at all like proper children, which is always very slow;

For she sometimes shoots up taller like an India rubber ball,
And she sometimes gets so little that there's none of her at all.

She hasn't got a notion of how children ought to play,
And can only make a fool of me in every sort of way.

She stays so close beside me, she's a coward you can see;
I'd think shame to stick to Mama as that shadow sticks to me!

One morning, very early, before the sun was up,
I rose and found the shining dew on every buttercup;

But my lazy little shadow, like an arrant sleepy-head,
Had stayed at home behind me and was fast asleep in bed.

Labels: random

Two little kittens, one stormy night,
Began to quarrel, and then to fight;
One had a mouse, the other had none,
And that's the way the quarrel begun.
"I'll have that mouse," sad the biggest cat;
"You'll have that mouse? We'll see about that!"
"I will have that mouse," said the eldest son;
"You shan't have the mouse," said the little one.

I told you before 'twas a stormy night
When these two little kittens began to fight;
The old woman seized her sweeping broom,
And swept the two kittens right out of the room.
The ground was covered with frost and snow,
And the two little kittens had nowhere to go;
So they laid them down on the mat at the door,
While the old woman finished sweeping the floor.

Then they crept in, as quiet as mice,
All wet with the snow, and cold as ice,
For they found it was better, that stormy night,
To lie down and sleep than to quarrel and fight.

Labels: random

*not very factual on motorcycles either

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