scrawls.

scrawls

still cheaper than therapy*

13.11.07

six weeks. six weeks!

we have been exclusively breastfeeding for six weeks. And while you have a stated preference for the boob, you've pretty well figured out most of the time that bottles have mommy's milk in them, too. (note: we have the Avent Isis, and it works well enough. Meaning i'm not sure a more expensive pump would work any better.) Time goes very fast. I'm not sure if this has anything to do with us having had other people around every second of the day

okay. hold on. Clearly there is something here i am bitter about. Look, i'm sorry. i didn't want to be right. really i would have loved to not be. But i wanted it to be Us Three, or Us Five if you Count the Dogs, and it hasn't been until now, and i wanted it to be our little family, you know? I didn't want unending help, i didn't want extended-length visitors, i didn't want to have to think about anyone except us. Only i did. So i don't know, now, what would have been different? I couldn't concentrate. I never can, with visitors. I think if i'd had you all to myself i'd have learned quicker that really you DO want to sleep twenty hours in a day, or more, and that it's worthless trying to sing to you or swing you or entertain you or postpone anything, that it'll just result in more tears, and instead there have been all these people around who have done this before and Clearly Think They Know What's Best, and it's just really, really frustrating at this point. I should have worded things more strongly. I should have put my foot down. This is my family. This is my one shot. And i feel like only now, you're six weeks old, and i'm only now starting to figure this out. Because i listened to them. All. And i really shouldn't have. Because this is a hell of a learning curve already and i didn't need to screw myself over extra.

Liz,

this is your get out of jail free card. You are responsible for this tiny person. You are going to have to defend her. Grow a fucking backbone. Some cojones. And if your mental health is at risk because of something, then fix it. For her sake at least. And whatever it takes will be worth it. What kind of feminist would raise a child without a strong woman for a momma? You need to be a good example and stand up to people. and, like, stuff.

Love, liz

All you want is food, or changed, or sleep. You aren't manipulative enough for much more and those things are challenging enough. And if you don't want food, and you don't want changed, but you are hollering, you probably want sleep. Sometimes you want to burp and sometimes you want to poo. But these are more transitory - and really i think you're getting to be proficient at burping on your own, in any random position you happen to be in. And pooing is usually over pretty quickly and is obvious while it is happening - you turn red, and grunt, and sort of scrunch your whole little self up. Anyway. You're waking up.

Labels: baby, mamadom, milestones

scrawled @ 16:19