it has happened: Dog no. 1 has barked loud enough in her sleep to wake up Dog no. 2, who is admittedly a light sleeper, without waking up herself. This is vastly amusing. however, Dog no. 2 does not appear able to go back to sleep. (Like he doesn't get enough: they only sleep twenty-two hours a day ...)

Labels: dogs

because in my house, nothing says Happy Anniversary like giant chompy bits of garlic. :)

Labels: food

Clearly, yes, people can be morons. People can be mind-numbingly dense and so, so slow to catch on that one really wonders how on earth they got to be where they are, who encouraged them, how they chose this, and why. But yes, of course, it happens. and there's noting to be done about it now, and nothing to be done about it by me. but being passive-aggressive and bitchy about it is not going to suddenly make them smart, so suck it up, dumbass. They're only making me look better, more helpful, compassionate, adaptable, widely skilled, et c. (And the better i look, the more flexible work is going to be in return when i come back and am a parent and want different, funky hours every week and a half; so, this is really, really, really in my best interest. So, again, suck it up.)

Interestingly, i got a look at the standard six-monthly employee review sheet, which is essentially identical to the one-month new-hire review sheet. There are four categories for everything, and i'm paraphrasing out of necessity, but not inaccuarately, because i was kind of shocked, and so they stuck in my head (and, yes, they were in english, so this is not an interpretation):

1. Needs improvement.
2. Gets some requested things included in job description done, to a point where they do not have to be completely redone, and does not require absolutely constant supervision.
3. Gets most things requested or included in job description done, fairly presentably, and appears to have the capacity to work independently in certain areas.
4. Gets everything requested and included in job description done, and done well, independently.

And apparently being in Category Four is not such a common thing? Holy fuck, my work ethic sucks hard, but still, i can't imagine getting only "some" of my job description done properly, and especially not needing improvement if i did. is this supposed to be motivational? Or, by virtue of doing the things i said i could do when they hired me, am i going to be promoted to running the company in a year or three?

as an extra perk, having a good boss, and being appreciated by said boss, is delicious.

Labels: work

Austrian things include: fancy crystal (Swarovski is still Austrian, yes, but there are many other pretty things around that haven't got the whole Paris Hilton connection); delicate, hand-painted porcelain; embroidery; kitschy things featuring Mozart; reeeeeally good chocolate (that may or may not melt in the mail); pewter; kitschy things featuring Klimt, Schiele (ugh) or Hundertwasser (the Hundertwasser porcelain is really fucking cool, actually, but also at more than $100 for a single teency espresso cup, kind of insanely pricey, though not uncomparable to other things, and also completely not traditional); Biedermeier and art-deco-y things; art noveau things; clocks ... Blanket statement: we can't afford tix back for your wedding. What should we send? Hint: Tell me if you do not want something that will collect dust, as crystal and porcelain inevitably will. Or if you have favorite colors that cannot be deduced from your registry. Disclaimer: anyone who does not say otherwise will get something highly breakable and not necessarily useful, based on entirely my taste and because i think it is pretty. Because i accidentally wandered into the oldest coninuously operating porcelain shop in vienna (since 1702, yall! holy shit!) and i desperately wanted to buy something. Anything. (so if you really just want stuff off the registry, now's the time to mention that.)

(Here is an example of Things I Think Are Nice to Look At, But Not Particularly Useful, especially seeing as how i know absolutely nothing about the various shapes of wine-glasses. Also i'm regarding anything that Was Once included in the Austrian empire as entirely a propos, which includes Villeroy & Boch, WMF, Henckels, et c. ... )

and just in case anyone was worried, i've found peanut butter and proper spices and suntan lotion and even bug spray, and am learning to avoid the scary chicken. There was organic lettuce, too, and i will never buy that again, ever. And i can find ikea nearly in my sleep, without looking up how to get there.

Labels: emptor

how can german class homework be simultaneously so mind-numbingly dull and so exaustingly challenging? Argh.

Labels: expat

Labels: baby, media

i hate exercise. Going to gyms. Being with all the muscley, superior people: you know what they're thinking, and you internalize it. being the one slow person on the elliptical. and it takes so long. Running, even jogging, is like torture, for many reasons. and it seems so pointless: nothing changes. When i can make myself go on a regular basis for a good period of time, nothing changes. five days a week for two months, nothing changes. i signed up for a gym. i went. Regularly. Nothing changes. Everything they tell you is that something should be changing, there, but no, it just makes every day sucky and tired and grouchy and busy and disappointed. And then after no time to make dinner. i hate thinking i need to exercise. thinking i should. the guilt they lay on you. and nothing changes.

i have never been on a diet. Ever. No atkins, no south beach, no follow-this-plan. But it's still there: if i eat an entire, delicious plate of carbs, this thing. if i stir fry a giant mound of fresh vegetables, i can tell myself it's healthy to eat them. A giant mound of fresh vegetables. Which ought to be healthy, by any stretch: green and yellow and red and white. but how can i go on a diet and not eat a giant mound of fresh vegetables? However easy it is to not buy the dirt-cheap Nutella (and, yes, it is dirt-cheap here, and i'm SURE it's still delicious), as often as i can say "yes, that ice cream looks great, but i don't particularly want any," i do not have the willpower to not eat tofu until i am stuffed full. Yum. so i have never been on a diet. and i do not want to ever be on a diet. I am not willing to sacrifice my mental health. Again.

and i like my body. (I AM A FUCKING GODDESS.) i like just about everything about it. i like the little bones that poke out just before my wrists. i like my knobbly, interlocking toes. i like the curve of my neck and the lines of my palm and the scar just on my hairline. so how does this liz, you're not anorexic enough thing get in my head? I never let it in. I like my body.

but having it change so quickly is disorienting. i weigh more now than i ever have. Not a lot more, but more. and even that, even with knowing that every doctor i have seen says i'm doing great, i'm the picture of health, even knowing that i'm not supposed to be thinking, now, about what the body-mass indicator might think of me (and, even now, i'm still not "overweight"), even though i concievably count as two people instead of one and therefore get a bit of a pass, and with me still on the very low end of how i should be changing, weighing more than i ever have, holy shit, that'll throw a girl for a loop. Holy shit, that'll throw a girl for a loop.

Labels: health

it is extra frustrating that the hallways are just barely not big enough to be proper rooms with real furniture. What do you do with something four feet wide? Argh. Also, no, there are no closets. There are also no apartments here with closets. And we're not moving, period.

There is a theory that depending on how big the Free Crib that we are Inheriting may be, it could fit next to the bed. If it is ... not very big. In any dimension. Adjoining to this theory is the idea that we won't need a night stand, because we won't need an alarm clock. right? or?

Labels: house

is the number of larger-than-life completely naked people on billboards that i pass daily, one way, on my seventeen-minute walk to work. This is an actual number, not an exaggeration. I counted. And i walk slow: so seventeen minutes of walk is not very far. Most of them are in ads for either depilatory creams or "The Art of Seduction, from Warhol to Schiele," the upcoming installation at the Church of the Minorities - which i'm assuming no longer offers traditional services, but i'd have to check to be sure. One of them is a waist-up ad for a musical. This is not counting the following: cartoons, smaller than life-size ads for porn cinemas, Nelly Furtado's nipples, ads for Nabokov: The Opera, models on beds wearing very little other than shoes, people with ice cream bikinis, Softcore Porn Fest Vienna, giant blown-up derrieres (there's one ad campaign that is just a GIANT ASS, with a hand grabbing it, blown up so big you could actually count the hairs, and while i really which they'd airbrush that shit, we haven't quite figured out what it's for yet), people advertising clothing in various states of undress (which, okay, is just like Abercrombie and Fitch, but still!), naked dancers at ArtForArt (since the ads for naked dancers i've seen on the walk home, but they were on the side of a truck and are therefore not on a daily basis), and i'm sure i'm forgetting some.

it takes some getting used to. And i think it still catches my attention more than the natives', who are preacclimatized. The dancers were my favorite. The GIANT ASS is my least favorite: i think it's because of the hairs.

(This, from someone who has used (1) moving to fuzzy, fuzzy Europe and (2) "eventually it'll get hard to reach, now, right?" as "excuses" for not shaving my legs. we're going canoeing next week: we'll see how it goes with that, eh?)

Labels: media, vienna

Also, M can order pizza for delivery in german and has memorized his phone number. In german. I AM SO IMPRESSED.

Labels: expat

please, People who Already Have Kids, give me input. Also, i'm bumping this, because i want more input. I think i might be nearly insatiable.

things i should probably acquire
crib: inherit. (done deal, but we need to go get it.) May need refurbishing.
also, assorted sheets and blankets and whatnot. Hopefully inherit with crib.
stroller: hope to inherit. (Determine inheritance status.)
baby wearing device: acquire/determine inheritance status (slings look complicated, though)
chair: screw the high chair. i want one of these
drawer type thingy
more laundry baskets
baby clothing
in multiple sizes
breast pump, possibly manual. Eek. Way, way overwhelmed. is there a way to know if something will work without buying it? Arg.
ziplock bags and/or extra bottles for said breast pump
chewy books and toys and things
knowledge of baby sign language (confidential to S: my mailing address works, i'll get it to you)
knowledge of baby swim lessons (woot!)

things i might (read: will probably) want
cloth diapers, though i doubt i have the stamina or washing machine capacity to do this exclusively - is there any harm in switching back and forth?
alternately, knowledge of diaper service options in this country
baby gate[s]
microwave
extra pillow[s]
baby monitor - we have a tiny apartment, though? dunno.

things i will (i hope to god) not be needing
wipe warmer? is it just me, or did these not exist five minutes ago?
car seat (no car! i RULE!)
seperate, non-chest-of-drawers changing table
disney (oh, like i could avoid it)
formula (confidential to self: if this is not a choice, then this is not a choice, so just deal with it.)
glidy ottoman (i hope. We have no room.)
um, baby crate? what IS this? with a tiny apartment, why would i possibly need one in addition to a crib?
excessively girly things
excessively macho things
also, whoever might otherwise think of Baby Einstein, Finding Nemo, et c., know that we can't play those dvd's here, so just avoid it, k? Thanks.

things the city of vienna will give me
apparently, thoroughly functional diaper bag
a few onesies and socks and things
couple of burp cloths
rattle

Labels: baby, emptor

i can tell my german is getting ever so slightly better. Ever so slightly. Little, tiny increments. Possibly, baby steps. i can get the dog successfully vaccinated and anti-flea and ticky things and wormy pills. i can navigate the grocery (even when the cashier is having a minor crisis, as has now been proven) and the bank and the post office and the ikea and the restaurants and the doctor and the hospital (because all Fancy Schmancy ultrasounds happen at the hospital, of course, and just because the one doctor kind of speaks english, all the other ones totally don't, and their receptionists are very nice but simultaneously terrifying). i can communicate with the people at the dog park (and, can conclude that many of the people at the dog park are crazy racist bastards, and really i just want to avoid them). i can do just about everything i've tried if i can rehearse in my head first. i can understand things people say to me if they are in context, but i often have no idea what specific words are actually coming out of their mouths, and i'm not sure if that's a positive thing or not. There are no shades of meaning. No delicacies. No sprawling vocabulary. i kind of feel like a Neanderthal, pointing and gesturing and hoping for the best. or possibly a trained monkey, using the same constructions every time.

Lunchy conversations are hard. and isolating. it's noisy, and there's a million people all talking very fast at the same time, and there are no clues to what they're talking about. and the chattiest ones always have the strongest accents so catching a word here and there is as good as it gets.

Labels: expat

god damn, the czech republic is heartbreakingly gorgeous. We were there at easter. Photos of note include: hermitage; mountains; vineyards; wine-cellars; and Czech easter traditional crafts including lacy things, drunks on stage, painted eggs, and willow whips to hurt people with, with my thumb in for a sense of scale. Other new pictures in: dogs; vienna (the terracotta army, and also pictures of our apartment: note that our apartment is approximately six hundred square feet, but has up to eight rooms depending on how you count); and the donau, because there is barbecue here too. Also more pictures of us (meaning, me).

also, fuck you, yahoo photos, for being hard to use and claiming upgrades for a YEAR and now closing at some point in the future. Fuck you. Flickr had better be better.

Labels: internet

i still kind of have a girlcrush on you. And knowing you have an awesome vagina is not making it go away.

Love, liz

Labels: media

african recipies. Hungry. For later.

Labels: food

*not very factual on motorcycles either

:anmut: :annika: :chin: :dooce: :ewok mama: :food: :little frog school: :lj: :longform: :low odysseys: :natalya: :rich: :salon: :slate: :this is how: :unique yn:



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