scrawls.

scrawls

still cheaper than therapy*

17.11.05

can you go home again?

there's a powell house reunion next summer. and when i say that literally nothing could keep me away, i mean that anything that is something (like, say, breaking both my legs, or being dead, or having malaria in bangladesh, or even if it happens on somebody's wedding weekend, which i don't think it does, yet, in mid July of 2006, or if i'm utterly broke and have to sell both my dogs to go, anything) would be unable to prevent me from going to this. The thing that could prevent me from going, then, would be The Big Crunch, and cosmologists are not predicting this for millions of years yet to come. i'm absolutely going. this is as ultimate a truth as i am likely to ever come across.

but.

i'm nervous. i'm terrified. can it possibly be the same? can it be even remotely similar, or will we all be too grown-up? if m goes and it is the same, what will he think of me, as i've never been completely convinced he's aware of the sheer magnitude of concentrated life in and around the anna curtis center? and if he goes and it's not the same will he just think i'm crazy? will people think less of me if my sorely lacking to begin with ultimate frisbee skillz have lessened? will there be tie dyeing? will i remember the steps to the salty dog and the pata pata? will the art closet still be organized, and will i recognize my handwriting on the labels? how is our tree, that i never learned to pronounce, doing? is the maze still there? the wind over the lake? will there be hordes of people older than me and younger than me that i never met and never became important to and i'll just be lost? what if everyone i ever met is there, do i get to kiss them all, and what about their families? shall i bring the nice strawberry chapstik? will people be annoyed that i'm awful at keeping in touch, or will they forgive me? will they like who i am now, still, or have i changed too much, and how much have i really changed, anyway? i'm scared i'll regret it. Not scared enough - because this is a Thing, and No Thing can keep me from it. But.

scrawled @ 21:49