scrawls
still cheaper than therapy*
31.8.05
oh good.april 22, 2006 (br and j), is a different day than april 29, 2006 (cd and jca).
who else is getting married next year? you people have to COORDINATE.
commute.
i hate morning talk radio. just ... i hate morning talk radio. i want to see those peoples' resumes. what's on em? - 1993-1996. Did too much coke and stuck my finger up my butt.
- 1996-1998. Stuck my head up my butt. Stopped reading, as it was too dark to see.
- 1998, Oct. Sold my soul to ...someone or other. Hard to see with one's head up one's ass, you know.
- 1998, Nov. Misplaced the soul-selling contract. oh well. what did i get for that, anyway?
- 1999-2001. With head still stuck up butt, crawled up someone else's butt. Not sure whose, but nothing makes it in here, except ...
- 2001-2005. Talked to myself about nothing. Am successfully entirely misinformed, spreading shit going well...
plus? The geniuses at the planning board decided, Hey, let's wait till the students come back at the end of august and the town population doubles with all of them and their sorry-ass trucks and maroon clothing and then let's start construction. yeah, that'll be great! Not only will there be a bunch of little fuckers that don't know how to drive in the first place, but there'll be construction backup on the highway ...
29.8.05
my Privacy is Important
as in, i can go to a male gynecologist without batting an eye. i can be observed by a learning male gyno (i think they're in their third year of med school?) without minding at all. i can talk about all sorts of awful, personal, icky things with them. but put a boy behind the CVS counter and i get all nervous and weird. he's not a professional - he doesn't get to know this about me. and what does the pimply teenager go home and tell his friends? women buy the most awful things. you think they're normal and then you look in the little basket. why can't they have vaguer names? less explicit packaging? it's a damn good thing you don't have to make eye contact to make a purchase. and the thought sort of flickers across my head, i could wear a burka the next time i came in here. and the next thought sort of follows it by, how funny would it be to come in in a burka and buy all sorts of lube and bulk-packaged condoms and all the other embarrasing things one could possibly think of - douches and extra-extra-large tampons and enema-thingies and preparation H and back supports and diarrhea medicine and constipation medicine and midol and toilet-declogger and bad breath stuff and stinky-feet stuff and bunion thingies and snoring aids and just everything.
26.8.05
classist bitch.
so i'm getting a carwash/oil change, right, because getting a car wash with your oil change - which it needed, it was getting hard to see out the windows - is only three bucks more than getting just an oil change and they do a very nice job. (like, i'm driving afterwards, and it's like getting new glasses - that gee, i can see out! feeling. i could care less about the shiny. i care about doggy nose-prints on the windows.) and of course you tip the two mexicans a dollar each for them drying your car so it's not streaky and doing all the interior and the vaccumming and whatnot (i haven't checked if the cheddar cheese combos are still under the seat, but by now, it's really not like i can pretend to care) 'cuz everyone tips the two mexicans a dollar, you see the woman with the huge SUV rummaging through her purse to find bills and they're ones, the new mom and her minivan, the teenager with her daddy-bought truck, the old boy with his extended cab, all two-dollar tippers. Only there are a lot of mexicans, and it takes them a little bit of a while to do all this niceness to your car. And if everyone's tipping them a dollar each, i'm suddenly wondering, and it takes them like twenty minutes to do a car, are they getting minimum wage? is the car-wash place even paying these people? are they legal? if they're sending this money back to some ghetto in central america shouldn't i give them more? or would that be insulting? and this is the carwash place that has the Very Very Upscale Design Magazines in the little waiting room. Like, these are the design magazines Martha really wants to be when she grows up, but she's got no freaking hope of ever making it in that world. i hope the carwash place is paying them. but i don't know.
i'm channelling Breakfast at Tiffany's
you say, i'm going to an informal wedding in the woods, or something.i say, i can still have a French manicure.
22.8.05
dear ms. sheehan,
honey, i'm on your side as far as War Sucks. but the president didn't kill your baby. he lied to it and cheated it, maybe, but your baby signed that sheet of paper all by himself. he made that decision on his own. and there was fuck all you could do about it then, and fuck all you can do about it now. and it's great that you can quit your job and go camping for a month, too. how do protesters do that?
mmmnnnfffffff
i've been off. New Developments in the blogoworld. and i'm feeling rather silenced. and i don't like it. with the External and the Drama and the what the hell? and the fuck it, i don't care, because it's not worth the effort any more. it's not. this page is mine, it's under my control, and i'm going to express what i want on it. so, source of the feeling-rather-silenced, if you're here, i don't care. i'm sick and tired of it. i'm sorry, but my caring is exhausted, and therefore, over. i don't have the stamina for this drama. OFF.
12.8.05
heath ledger went blah blah blah. brad and angelina are lalalala i'm not listening. jessica simpson is shut up. jennifer lopez is i could care less. russel crowe is go away now please. matthew perry is missing part of his right middle finger due to a door shutting accident.*snerk*
edit: this means, if i come across matthew perry someday and piss him off, it is that much more inconvenient for him to give me the finger. Or he has to give a half-finger. how can that man drive? how does he express himself? what kind of "door shutting accident?"
9.8.05
starbucks, i hate you.
i hate you for making that steamy wonderful Thing you do so well and you know it's bad for the rainforest, i know you do, so don't pretend otherwise, and you couldn't possibly be paying those poor farmers enough to be charging $3 a cup so let's toss this whole charade, eh? i hate you for making me think i'm not in texas for five fucking seconds with the travel posters and the aging hippies and the indie muzik in the store and then i have to leave. i hate you for being on every goddamn corner and being a Huge Corporation and Ubiquitous and Making the Entire World Taste Like America, which is Not a Good Thing. please just die. i can get fairly decent coffee elsewhere, still, even around here. Not as good, maybe, not as creamily soft and melty-licoious, but drinkable, yet. it's not right that one good cup of coffee ought to make an entire day. So stop.
Labels: tests
2.8.05
wedding crashers and why i don't want to meet them
because i've heard it was funny. but they're not getting my dollar. because i'm pissed at them retroactively. because i got married too recently. because way to take advantage of the wedding industrial complex, cocksuckers, way to make some poor Bride feel terrible about herself because some asshole shows up and she's supposed to know who everyone is and who the fuck? and do you know people pay upwards of $200 a plate at a lot of these things? what are they supposed to be doing when there are extra guests? limited seating, a certain number of servings of cake, only so many sets of silverware. just ... assholes! somebody's fucking grandma was supposed to sit there! these things are planned so fucking delicately, every last detail, people fucking OBSESS over them for months planning everything exquisitely and specifically and carefully and you get to come the fuck in and screw with it? fuck that. i think i would spend the entire movie storming at them and raving in my head and getting more and more pissed off. i'm getting irate just thinking about them. weddings are enough bullshit without some self-important bastards showing up for their own goddamn scene.
1.8.05
hollywood, bah.
i hate the movie theatre. i hate them. i want to see the dirty joke movie, the aristocrats, and they don't have it, and they're not getting it, and instead they have a huge, steaming pile of shit. here, look, i'll review all the movies they have. most of them, i haven't seen.- must love dogs. john cusack making the same damn romantic comedy. it gets stinkier every time.
- sky high. another of those kid superstar piles of shit.
- stealth. i almost want to see this so i can root for the plane to kill whatever it's killing, but i know they'll shoot it down eventually. and i saw all the good explosions in the preview.
- batman begins. i already saw that.
- charlie and the chocolate factory. this i wouldn't hate myself if i rented, but just because johnny depp is in it and i like it when he's freaky.
- fantastic four. pile of steaming shit, on fire.
- march of the penguins. you honestly expect me to pay seven dollars to see a fucking documentary about fucking birds? pile of frozen shit.
- the bad news bears. i'm not watching anything with animals in the title. not even that one about the backcountry lions or whatever.
- the devil's rejects. putting "rejects" in the title just doesn't make it sound very promising, now, does it? idiots. who put you in charge of a production company?
- the island. like i need another cheap knockoff of ... every other fucking ... morbid genetic-engineering ... what kind of bad press is this movie? did mel gibson fund this? did those anti-choice stem-cell-rights bastards? right-wing propagandist bullshit.
- the wedding crashers. asshole, right there in the title, again, and somehow isn't that blonde kid in it? the one that's so freaking overrated? wilson. he could disappear off the face of the planet and i wouldn't miss him. z, get out of california, and then california could fall off the face of the planet and i wouldn't miss it. or z and a+m. and my cousins. but still. "wedding crashers" aren't really people i want to get to know.
- war of the worlds. no, i'm not going to see this one, just on principle. because remakes are bad, and Oooh, they came from BELOW! fuck off, i don't care if they arrived like kidney stones, though it might be more entertaining if they had. i bet tom cruise could act having kidney stones.
Labels: media
celebra.....
it's m's birthday, and we're exhausted. and not very creative. what should we do to celebrate?Labels: festivities