scrawls.

scrawls

still cheaper than therapy*

18.7.05

i am a bad person, again.

because i read a thing like this that says one in eleven americans shoplift, and i immediately think, should i get in on the action? one in eleven? seriously? that means i must know people who shoplift. i don't know anyone who's ever gotten caught for it, though, or if i do, i never heard about it. one in eleven. it's got to be, like, the safest crime ever as far as not getting caught (or, for that matter, actually hurting people) goes. one in - one in freaking eleven people.

once - months ago, i think it was the light blue paint - i was walking out of a home improvement store with a particularly well-reviewed sort of interior paint, and after i was already well outside i thought to myself, wait a sec, i don't think she charged me for the lightbulbs. nah, she mustve, they're lightbulbs, they're in that big annoying hard plastic thing that's an ass-fuck to open, how could she have missed them? besides she put them in the bag with the other stuff, anyway. and i continued on. and, i thought, besides, don't they have security people that are supposed to notice that sort of thing, too? they have those round camera-balls all over the place. and i continued on. and i put the paint and lightbulbs and batteries and whatever else i was happening to be purchasing - paintbrushes, masking tape, probably a drop cloth, that sort of thing - in the car and started the car and looked at the reciept, and the lightbulbs weren't on it. and i didn't go back in the store because i was afraid they might be pissed at me for shoplifting and even if they couldn't do anything about it they might ban me from that particular store, or something, and then i couldn't buy paint there any more, and consumer reports said it was the best paint and you could only get it there and it certainly wasn't going to be something i was going to give up. no, i've got ambition, you see. i am going to need more paint. i guarantee it.

so, home improvement store, it wasn't my fault, you see? she put it in the bag. and while you certainly don't get all my custom (the other home improvement store has more inventory and better selection and better service and more knowledgeable, less rude people, i've found, and is just bigger, too, and plus i know where everything is and it's closer to my house) whenever i need interior paint i go to you. and i didn't mean to. promise.

Labels: emptor

scrawled @ 15:50