scrawls.

scrawls

still cheaper than therapy*

14.4.05

a preemptive shh!

so there is a Thing, more specifically, a drag show formal event, on saturday. And the girl who scored me a ticket isn't, um, formal. And buying shoes for other people (and earrings for other people) is fun. we went to the mall (i know, ugh, the mall) at lunch. i ought to be a personal shopper. but. so. this friend. person. is the most high-maintenance friend i've ever had. and i'm sort of wondering if i like it or not. that i like her, yes, she's very nice, but i'm not sure if i like it. that could we just chill for five minutes? and. i think she may have noticed this. and i'm not sure what i can do about it.

i'm also not sure what to call her, here, because there's already a regularly appearing J. And Irregularly Appearing J, or New J, doesn't have the same ring. why do so many peoples' names start with J? God, this is hard.

so this is a work-friend now. and has been seen a couple of times outside work, sure. And i'm going, obviously, to the drag show with a group which includes her (since, well, she scored us all the tickets, right?). And i'm just wondering, now, i can put a stop on this. i can say No. (preemptive shh!) And, as a high-maintenance person, she'd be hurt. But there would be fewer eventual crises for me. but if i don't keep some sort of limit in place then she's eventually going to wonder (and hyperventilate-over and way-too-over-analyze) what happened to my cell phone. right? because she's fun, but she's exhausting. i can't be on call for that all the time. but when i say - and someday i will - no, i don't have to tell you everything that is going through my head every minute of the damn day, and no, i'm going to do this tonight, and no, you can't come with me, and no, i don't care what you're doing tonight, because give me some space, girl - do i say that now, or later? and it'll end up being later, of course, but it'll be worse when (if) it is. Because it might not happen. i might be able to keep it contained. (penny for your thoughts? shut the fuck up and leave me alone, are my thoughts.) sigh ... only that's not what i want either. you don't. get. to be. my best. friend. you can be my friend. but could we let it just be for a while?

*stuffs budding friendship back into the box it came in*

Labels: drama

scrawled @ 20:16