are at war. because the Hygienist prescribed the Evil Mouth Wash, which is sneaky and awful. it doesn't taste bad while it's in your mouth. but as soon as you spit it out, your tongue feels like it's been Severely Scalded on Very Hot Liquids. and by Severely Scalded, like, ow, i can't sleep, my tongue hurts. and the next morning, ow, i'm getting no enjoyment out of this coffee, my tongue hurts. and you didn't know your tongue could hurt - the entire front half of it, not the stripe in back where you usually burn yourself on tea or the bit up top behind your front teeth where pizza sauce is too hot. but. ow. and i was using the mouthwash for three weeks or so solid and it wasn't so bad then but then going back to the hygienist she said, only use it once a week. so. it's been a week. and. ow. maybe i've sensitized my taste buds? maybe they hate me now? and it's a little bit better now than it was last night. but. ow. and doesn't one's mouth usually heal quickly? or is this the way it's supposed to taste?

Labels: health

because my little brother called yesterday and said 'i love you' and he never says that, and he sounded so sweet and vulnerable. and awww and i nearly cried. or maybe i did just a little bit. but i want to jump up and down and stomp and shout and be loud and menacing and say, No, World, Asshole, You have to go through me first to get to him. now, Make like a tree and get-the-fuck-outta-here. leave my little brother alone.

Labels: family

*draws circle around self*

drama. free. zone.

Labels: drama

allow me to refer you to: still living in sin. if there is any information that anyone can think of that ought to be there - or if anything is really awful and i don't want all the future in-laws seeing it - or if you hate daisies or like the colors or whatever - any changes i ought to make before people start getting invitations with this url on em?

Labels: internet, wedding

because i have girl friends, with shopping and pedicures and everything, but not dramatic ones. Not ones that rely on you for their sense of self-worth or ones that need you to tell them they're good people. 'cuz, see, we went to this Huge Fucking Mall on saturday and went shopping all day and it was great because they're not going to go into conniptions if you say, Well, I Disagree. and you're not going to have a panic attack if they say, That's not What I would Do. and nobody cares if you get a sandwich instead of the chicken or how many times in a week you go to which gym or whether your shoes come from Store A or Store B. because they're solid. They know who they are already and don't need your approval. and it sucks, absolutely, to split the world like this, but they're all married or with Sig-Os. but there's no catfights and no competitive mind games and they're happy, secure adults, already. and i've heard of The Great Divide between single people and coupled people. but it's still a weird thing. and it's been happening for ages, already. how did i get to this side of it?

Labels: drama

because, drama. and by drama, i mean, why-did-you-say-that-i'm-such-an-ass-you're-such-an-ass-i'm-going-home-and-tearing-my-hairout-because-obviously-you-hate-me-and-et-cetera-et-cetera-et-cetera. drama, not my friend. not a thing i like dealing with. it makes everyone's life more complicated. especially when they don't need it. something that, quite frankly, i do my best to Avoid Like the Motherfucking Plague. and you say, i didn't mean it like that, what the hell? let it freaking slide. relax for once in your life. Not everything means somebody secretly hates you. This, for example, doesn't mean i secretly hate you. i promise.

Labels: drama

snerf.

hehe.

meep.

!!!.

Labels: internet

nonstop wedding angst, 24-7, for the next 10 weeks. see, this is where blogs merge, because the other one is for Wedding Guests to learn stuff from, and all my future inlaws' friends don't need to see me being neurotic. so. fuck! i only have 10 weeks! the things the Knot says i should have done already and therefore, still have to panic about:

• Start investigating any ethnic or cultural traditions you might want to incorporate.
• Meet with your officiant to discuss ceremony structure.
• Check with photographer about need contract? deposit? what?
• Set aside MORE blocks of hotel rooms.
• Get / perfect makeup / hair.
• Make or buy favors.
• Get m's passport.
• Eat right, exercise.
• Talk to people you’d want to do special performances or readings as part of the ceremony.
• My dress - fittings.
• His suit - fitting(s).
• Pick up his wedding band.
• Download / arrange music for ceremony / reception. does K and / or B want to be involved?
• Arrange wedding-day transportation (rent van + driver).
• Get TX invitations.
• Send out invitations (canada:60c).
• make sure caterer is cool.
• make sure cake lady has what she needs. deposit? contract? raspberry?
• make sure florist is cool, get florist contract.
• Determine alcoholic purchasing - beer in kegs, champagne.

plus all the other things i'm not supposed to have done yet. meep.

Labels: wedding

bought the First Weddingy Mag a day or two ago in the checkout line at the grocery store and have been randomly flipping through it. and it's not utterly heinous, but it's doing what i wanted it to do, which is, remind me of all the crap i don't want to have going on, and why i don't need all this extra bullshit. even if it ought to, by rights, be utterly heinous (BRIDES? come on). and some of the advice is level-headed and reasonable (placate the Very Religious Parent with a unitarian minister; carry band-aids and bobby pins; they can't see your shoes), even if some of it is not (save money on favors by hand-wrapping your 300 home-made extremely complicated, yet ugly and useless, objects; color-coordinate your guestbook and reception hall curtains by buying extra bridesmaid dresses to use the fabric). but something i hadn't noticed about them before is that all the wedding dress advertisements look like porn stars. which wouldn't be something i'd thought an average bride would be going for, and certainly an average mainstream BRIDES-reading bride would be going for. i mean, these aren't perfume ads, people.

Labels: emptor, wedding

exciting what with the neighbors roof not, as it turned out, being on fire. And nobody was hurt. But five firetrucks are exciting, and being the Directly Next Door Neighbor that gets to go over and ask, and, well, it could have really been Something Awful. i guess. i certainly thought it was Something Awful when you look out the window because the dog is going absolutely nuts and there are five firetrucks in front of your house? and flashing emergency lights? and firemen in big firemen-safety-suits with the face shields like stormtroopers and they're all decked out in firemen-wear going into the neighbors'. Five firetrucks. For a stinky electronic-wires-burning aroma. Which, admittedly, was stinky and foul. but then turned out to be nothing in particular. a little odd. maybe.

Labels: texas

so i think the dad wants to give me away. Or walk me down the aisle. Or something. And ... it'd make them happy. but aren't i enough of a feminist to be extremely not okay with this? i haven't lived at home for a decade, and even if i had, aren't i my own person to give away? and not anybody else's? is walking solo down the aisle that fucking revolutionary? Artificial. artificial is a good word. i think it might mean rather a lot to the dad. But ... feminist! patriarchy! oppression! ownership!

There's also a ceremony text where the father is saying something like (paraphrasing), "I raised my daughter and cared for her for a long time, will you [the groom] now love her and be there for her?"

i need to not stress about stupid things.

Labels: wedding

i'm dogsitting for T - which is fine. his first dog, George, is extraordinarily well behaved - he doesn't jump, he doesn't rush out the door, he can amuse himself with a tennis ball for extended periods of time. George is a pit bull-something mix and is friendly and happy and the sort of dog that wags his entire butt. And is over the moon every time i come over to play, when he's met me maybe three, four times before, and none of the people in his house are home. T's second dog, the puppy, which i believe is called Max, is still very small. Like small enough for George - the big ol lock-jawing pit - to attempt mothering and picking up by the back of his neck. it's hilarious to watch. George is - or was - a boy dog. but he's sheeping this little scruffy thing around and trying to pick it up and it's all very cute. so. cute small fuzzy good. but. T's roommate's dog, Lobo, is, sort of, he said they think he's retarded. i hate when people don't discipline their dogs. in petco there are books on "you know your dog owns you if" and in line, there are people that go - oh that's you! you have newspapers everywhere! and well of course i have leash burns on my hands and doesn't everyone think it's normal to have paw prints on your chest at work? and there was this tiny akita - six weeks old - and these awful college kids bring it in and it's shivering on the floor, it's terrified, it wants its fucking mommy you assholes, hold it, comfort the poor thing, but they're not, and that dog is going to be nothing but trouble when it grows up. Nothing. but. trouble. so. T's roommate's dog is an outdoor dog because - get this - it's not housetrained. it's, like, four, and they've had it for ages, and it's not housetrained. ok. i understand accidents - you leave a dog alone in a room for hours on end, it's gonna have to go - but to have the door to the yard open, to have that access, and he pees on the floor. On the carpet. And T says, well, it's that roommate's house, it's her dog, he pees on the floor, don't go barefoot. and i don't know how it's her house - if her parents cosigned or something - but she's not gonna get asking price later for a house that stinks of dog piss. Plus she has to live there. and i could not. nonononono.

Labels: dogs

there's this one little stretch of road nearby here that is, well, utterly pointless. it's between the mall and the sears return-outlet-busted-lawnmowers shop. it's one of those three-lane roads where the lane in the center is for turning left. so far so good. but. the westbound lane - that really only needs to be one lane - this is not a busy road; at either end of this little road, it is only three lanes wide; it is not the main entrance to anything people visit on any sort of regular basis; there is never a need to pass anyone on this road as it's not long enough to get frustrated with them on; there are wide shoulders on either side (as in, wide enough to park a car in should one break down); it's not an important road by any means. but for one little stretch of it - maybe a hundred, two hundred feet - the westbound lane is two lanes wide. It's not marked; there's no white dotted line in the middle; it's just two lanes wide. Like the guy who built the road had extra concrete left over and decided, randomly, to make an extra, non-turning, non-break-down, weird, useless, extra-wide part in the road. Since nobody uses it as two lanes, either; everyone just sort of slows down a little - because they're confused - and drives down the center. There's no rationale. It could have been extra mall parking. It could have been a bus stop. It could have been a little park bench. It could have been grass and trees and chipmunks. But no.

Labels: texas

but i left you with a discussion topic. Tyvm for input all. still in the running are: moriah, madeleine (WITH the e), margo. Not in that order. But. Liked moriah. Maybe like madeleine now. i get to use all my Es that way. and it's french. ha!

many to-do things. many. wedding planning eats time. and sanity. in every email i send my head is exploding. dear Everyone: Elope. run. away. now. dear Self: Do not be a Type A. you don't like Type As. remember to blog about the love and the beauty and the freakish neuroses. and that this, too, will pass. and that everybody is a jelly donut. Zen and the art of trying on wedding gowns. Zen and the art of ordering invitations. Zen and the art of caterer negotiations. Zen and the art of spontaneous human combustion. I am jack's gradually increasing sense of wedding fatigue. i am jack's vague hope that wedding fatigue will not interfere with, you know, stuff. i am jack's almost-certainty that wedding fatigue will not interfere with, you know, stuff, really.

it could be worse: i found a girl at work (a lovely girl, really) who Doesn't Know Who Ani Is. and, um, the sort of girl that really ought to know. yes? worse. note the Tight Lid on the Drama. *head explodes*

Labels: blogging

so. i'm getting a new middle name (and a new last one) in may.

the letters i have to work with, i.e., all the letters in my current last three names, are: acdeeeghilmnorrw. Name must start with an M (initials will be EMW). Name should try not to include any letters not listed. Name should preferentially not be too too ethnic/biblical/weird. Name should not be too too common. also, I have to like it.

options identified so far, listed in no particular order, include: moriah; moira; mira; magdelene; madeleine; maria; madeline; mia; miah; monica; michele; marilene; margo. There are other combinations but i hate the ones i've found (which include: mona; morgan; mina; morwen; morrigan; melanie; meg; morgan; maih; morna; meliora; melinda). Names that do not start with an m, and are thus not eligible, include: leigh; grendel; helen; hermione. Other things include: "woman girl her"; "gnome whirler" (hee - WOW); mongrel; orchard; gremlin; colander; and comrade. Other anagrams which use all my letters and that i particularly enjoyed -

"cedar elm whoring" - escorts for ents, whee;
"raced her gown mil" - which could mean all sorts of bad things to happen at a Wedding;
"dancer grew him lo" - which could mean all sorts of certain things that might happen at a bachelor party, which makes me a little nervous.

Voting and further suggesting may now begin.

Votes may or may not be taken into account.

Don't bet on it.

Labels: wedding

so m's (and my) friend j is dating d. and d's friend g has a huge crush on m. which, of course, d is aware of, and made a joke to j about, who then told both m and i. 'cuz j has my back. which, um, rocks my socks. right? so d calls j from the bar with the northgate music festival tonight and g, poor kid, is there, and it's so sort of funny and sad. and she's really quiet around us and now i'm wondering, is she quiet because she hates me, or because she's completely wowed by m, or because she's just quiet? is it us? is she shy? do i even care if j's gf's friend doesn't like me? i thought she was just shy. and i'm not sure if she's enjoying herself, you know? because it's hard to tell.

in seperate, but mildly similar news: when a friend is being a bitch, and gets burned by it, does one tell her she's been a bitch, or does one sympathize? how do you tell someone they're psycho?

and not wildly off-topic, i haven't dated a new person for so long that it seems weird and foreign to me when my friends or other people-i-keep-track-of are Seeing Someone New or aren't with So-and-so-that-you-met-before or say Why do you know someone? and it seems, now, like everyone i know is dating a new person every week. just in comparison. that there are all these whirlwind social lives out there. and i don't really want one. but i know they don't, and they're not, and they're all Looking For, but i don't have the perspective any more to really relate particularly well. Which is weird upon weird upon weird. and how did i get this lucky, anyway? even knowing that all my friends have weird tastes in partner-types. i always had weird taste in partner-types. so ... ? ... i don't know where i'm going with this.

anxiety strikes again! bwahahahaha.

Labels: people

it has been four - count 'em, four - years since i have seen a dentist.

i have an appointment this afternoon.

eek. meep. they're so going to lecture me.

why do they fucking do that?

has it ever made a difference in someone's life?

i have brushed my teeth twelve times in the past three days.

but,

i'm still having coffee.

i can explain -

um,

i don't drink soda?

Labels: health

*not very factual on motorcycles either

:anmut: :annika: :chin: :dooce: :ewok mama: :food: :little frog school: :lj: :longform: :low odysseys: :natalya: :rich: :salon: :slate: :this is how: :unique yn:



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