scrawls.

scrawls

still cheaper than therapy*

27.1.05

it happens every time.

every time i apply for a job i apply or phone or interview (this time) or whatever, and afterwards, Ooh. I could totally do that. That would be so much fun. I'd LOVE that. That would totally fill my need to feel like i'm doing something socially responsible and environmentally aware. I could feed people in Africa (this time)! There would be careers branching out from that one job later. That would be The Perfect Job! every time.

and then every time i'm - well, not really devastated, but - disappointed. Sad. Crestfallen? Crestfallen might describe it exactly - that sort of free-fall thing from giddy "that went well" ness to Oh Those Stupid Motherfuckers Don't Know What They're Missing.

wish me luck.

and what am i doing with this The Perfect Job Every Time thing? am i waiting for a career to come along so i can trip over it? when - if - i get my next job, will that be it? will i be in love with it, whatever it is? even if it's absolute shit (which, for a biologist, can be the literal truth)? if it's shit, but it's globally responsible and famine-preventing shit? 'cuz wouldn't that be awesome? (no, that would be shit.)

And even if you win the rat race you're still a motherfucking rat. And who wants to run for that privilege?

Labels: work

scrawled @ 22:53