scrawls.

scrawls

still cheaper than therapy*

9.12.04

symbology!

so, M. does not like pumpkin pie. i just learned this recently. And it has the feel of being something so utterly foreign to my way of existence that i won't be able to remember it. It seems especially like i won't be able to remember it since i have this weird feeling of deja vu - that no, i've been with this person forever and i ought to know, by now, if they don't like pumpkin pie, we've had, what, six thanksgivings now, and i think this may have happened before. That he told me once - or more times - that he didn't like pumpkin pie and i had the same reaction i'm having now, that's bizarre, i'll never be able to remember that, and i wasn't able to remember it. So. For maybe the dozenth time. and i'm thinking what if this is some weird crazy subconscious disrespecty thing that my id is having? only then i'm thinking, it's not him, it's not a sign of anything to do with him, it's some weirdo objecto-freudian deep-seated thing from my less-than-perfect family and thanksgiving and long island and city traffic and pumpkin pie and the macy's day parade (because it was the macy's day parade, not the thanksgiving parade, not the downtown parade, not even the macy's thanksgiving day parade, even if it was The Reason We Don't Go Downtown) and all-american-dom and holidays and how weird and symbolic things get. and i'm thinking, what does pumpkin pie do to me that i can't remember if people don't like it? what must i have it represented with? that now i can lie on the couch and take a nap? that now i can feed the dachsund bits of turkey? that i don't have to look at the aspic any more? that we're going to watch ferris bueller's day off again? that i got away with not eating chestnut puree again, only now there are leftovers of it? and if i blog this, will i remember it next year, or next month? don't remind me. i want to see what happens.

Labels: food

scrawled @ 22:03