scrawls.

scrawls

still cheaper than therapy*

31.5.04

whaddaya know: they do come in threes.

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m's granpa is dying by leetle-bitty-degrees. he's been to the hospital often enough before, but the docs have decided he's pretty much not coming back from this one.

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it's very much like when my (more recent) grandmother died: we all knew it was happening and showed up in advance, and everybody else went to visit her and see her (but i didn't, and m asked if i regretted that, and i don't, not in the slightest - what can you do with a person in a coma? why is that something i'd want to do? would they honestly want you to see them and remember them like that? what do you do, listen to the beepy machines, and go to the nurses' station to get more kleenex, and watch them die by inches? and, really, if you think they can sense you when you're there and all medical lore says they can't, then can't they sense you being sad elsewhere just as easily?) and then she died and we had that big ... party - memorial - thing with all the hungarians.

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so it's sad. and i don't get to go up for it. it'd be complicated and expensive and ... i dunno. it's complicated enough getting just m up. i'd like to hug people. but it's okay. mostly. i just hope his grandma doesn't ... wilt. now. like people do sometimes. 'cuz then i wouldn't have any grandparents again, of any sort; i haven't met his other ones and all mine have been gone for ages. and i like his.

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i think i was a good granddaughter-in-law, more or less. he liked being kissed on the cheek by pretty girls. i was accomodating.

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hmm ... i guess i'll post this. might as well, right?

Labels: people, reflection

scrawled @ 14:40