scrawls.

scrawls

still cheaper than therapy*

30.12.03

thursday.

christmas is such an ordeal.

so it was christmas - which is intereting, but, well, the guests are christian, i guess, more or less, or more than i am, anyway, so we had a christmas. and the drains had gone down a little bit - so i decided maybe i can take a shower - and i just barely got to the hot water. and it doesn't take that long to get the hot water. so. very brief shower, with turning off the water between getting wet and lathering and showering off, and no shampoo, and then the Loved One had a similarly brief shower - but then the water backed up again. so the guests left after breakfast-or-so to take showers at the neighbors'. sigh. i feel bad.

and then it was christmas, and everybody went to the bathroom at their house before coming over, and then we couldn't run the dishwasher because eew, and what if the toilet-water backed up into the dishwasher, and eew, et c., and after dinner we decided to transport all the desserts to the neighbors and have dessert and whatnot there.

so the lamb was yummy, and the asparagus and the other grilled veg are always yummy, and the fish soup of S's was quite good (and i found a recipe for it), and those little top-secret-recipe cheddar biscuits from red lobster were even better the second day, but not bad then either, and .. i know there were seven .. rice pilaf is always rice pilaf .. sigh. there was something else. maybe i was counting dessert. So anyway.

christmas tastes good. which is really the whole point. and we had a tree - full of plastic apples and gold-painted walnuts and beady pears and plums and crinkly ribbons. i meant to do the cranberry-popcorn strings but .. well .. that can happen someday. we did have a couple of real ornaments - there was a hallmark Thimble Puppy, which is not christmassy at all, and a couple of hallmark Herald Angels with horns and drums and flutes and things. one of them had a pan-pipe, which is certainly not christmassy. Mostly apples.

i think, left to ourselves, we might've had christmas on christmas .. or we mightv'e just had vacation and good food and presents throughout the vacation. we both had to work on the solstice, and even if my blood is jewish i don't know a thing about practical celebration, but .. i think i consciously rejected jesus a very long time ago.

i think i was nine or ten - still going to quaker first-day school. and i was looking for some other thing in the bible, and i found a story about how jesus killed a poor sickly fig tree. (aha! i found it, ya bastards: matthew 21:18-22; mark 11:12-14,20-25.) he cursed it. and not out of mercy for a poor sickly fig tree. because he was hungry and it didn't happen to have any figs, poor thing. it died. because he wanted to demonstrate that prayers could be answered. when he could have just as easily blessed it and had perfectly good figs and had his demo. or he could have in fact mistaken an entirely different kind of tree that wasn't supposed to have figs in the first place. or it could've not been fig season. or somebody could've picked all the figs that morning. so. that didn't seem very nice, to me. and i asked the first-day school teacher about it and she changed the subject.

but quite aside from killing defenseless trees. i've done a lot of things, but i've never deliberately killed a plant. i don't think i ever even helped my mom weed gardens (i couldn't be taught which ones were weeds and which were flowers / corn / zucchini / et c.). cockroaches, yes, obviously. even spiders and moths and lizards and things on occasion (if they're dumb enough to wander into my house, i'm doing the species a favor by eliminating them).

if i have any sins, which i'm not sure i believe in in the first place, but maybe i'll discuss that later, anyway, i like my sins. i quite enjoy them. each of them was my decision. i don't want some random napoleon-complex egotistical bastard taking credit for them. they're mine. if anybody's going to die for them, it'll be me, and certainly not someone i've never met whose help i never asked for.

Labels: house

scrawled @ 22:49