scrawls.

scrawls

still cheaper than therapy*

16.5.09

a review of an entire genre

including, most recently as far as i am concerned, the curious incident of the dog in the night-time. Which was not funny. also a confederacy of dunces which did not make me laugh. Rain man.

it should be something one does for enjoyment, reading novels. And with these it was just depressing. I do not need extra things to make me depressed and isolated and exhausted and hopeless. all these books will be great but it will not ever change.

Labels: writing

scrawled @ 20:46

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8.5.09

nineteen months (a breastfeeding retrospective)

Sometimes you have days where you don't stop moving at all, and these days are exhausting and funny, and sometimes you have days where you won't leave my side at all and want to be held all the time and make your dying banshee noises if i put you down to even make you lunch, and these days are exhausting and funny afterward.

We are finally, really and truly, done with the breastfeeding. At about eighteen and a half months you were still at just one feeding a day, just before bed, and for a couple days when Nagymama was visiting too i did one day on and one day off, with Daddy or Nagymama putting you to bed, and i kept talking about how it was going to be really over soon, and i planned it all out and told you how it would go for weeks in advance. And then we had an every other day Mama bedtime for about a week, and on the last day i told you it was the last one, and the next few days we had Daddy or Nagymama do bedtime, and then after about three days i put you to bed, and we read three books, and sang one song, just like before, only with no nursing during the song. And this first time you protested, you cried, but it wasn't a tantrum and it wasn't anything out of control and it wasn't a desperate measure. And the next time you cried but only a little bit. And then there we were, done.

The weaning process was long and longer and longer still. When we got back from Turkey and France you had a couple of weeks on-demand again, after the travel, and then i installed a six times a day schedule, which wasn't any less really than you'd been feeding, we just had them at regular times. And then every few weeks i'd drop one, until you had just three: one first thing in the morning, and one before your nap or when we got home from work, and then one at bedtime. And then we dropped the first thing in the morning one. I let it go with two feeds for maybe a month, and dropped the nap/home one, and that one you were pretty attached to but we replaced it with yummy bottles and yogurt and pretzels and bread and jam and all the snacky things i could think of, for coming home, and the nap one i could cheat with a little bit and we'd go for a walk with the stroller exactly at nap time and you'd always pass out and have a nice nap in the stroller, and then eventually you could go down for a nap in your crib, too, though it's still not something you really enjoy. And then when Nagymama was visiting and M's german class was finally over i took my opportunity.

Been three weeks, now, and i'm drinking lots of sage tea to stop the milk still (though i think it is minimal, at this point) and you're fine, absolutely fine, not having any, and even when we see little babies nursing you point at them and notice and sometimes when i am changing my shirt you say milk! (oh, yeah, you can finally say milk, now) but you never ask for it. So for us it was a fine time to stop. I am slowly, slowly healing, finally, which is nice, too.

You are talking, more and more and more, and you know now that there are two separate languages: because if when you say swing somebody doesn't know what you mean, or immediately react by putting you on a swing, you immediately say schaukel and that gets your point across. In German. You can also say flower and blume and sometimes slide and rutsch. You are better every day at parroting what we say and can repeat most of the alphabet with varying degrees of success; one-syllable words, you can repeat (case in point: FJORD) and sometimes you do larger words or strings. You can say please if prompted. You can attach names to people, to your friends, to the dog. Some of the stuffed animals you can recognize by name. (we have: Frank the flamingo, Cairo the cat, Eleanor Roosevelt the teddy bear (Rosie for short), Domogo Domotor the other teddy bear (you call him Domdom), Pooh bear, the Cat in the Hat (but you think he's a baby), Zsazsa the duckling, OOOH the gorilla. There is also a yet-unnamed tiger, several baby dolls, a couple beanies, and a two-foot-long plastic alligator.)

We are heading into the summer high season again: Nagymama was here, as stated, and your uncle A and aunt C were here, and next weekend we've got three new visitors (one with a little girl, but she's not coming), and then it's off to here and there and more people coming and i love the chaos of summer, here, like this. We have plans to go to Croatia and Norway and Denmark and i am going to try and work in Germany and if this year you are as good a traveller as you were last year then it will be glorious. And for the big things you can be very happy and flexible and easy, even if for the little things you are not (because sometimes you need to select your own Cheerios? or be sitting two inches to the left? or be wearing only these winter boots when it is almost swimming weather? but you can eat anything and sleep anywhere.)

You can climb up the ladder of a slide, sit down, and slide. You can drink from a cup, without spilling. You know most of your colors, many body parts, some relatives. You know to put trash in the trash bin, that we wear hats when it is cold, that if you can get the dog to come and sit and lie down (by, very accurately, saying EMMMIIIEEEEE KOMMEN and SIT and DOWNNnnnn and doing exactly the right gestures) she will be slightly immobilized and you can snuggle her. You know the way to the babysitter's house. You know that when it is time for bed, resistance is futile, but that if you are not hungry, no Clean Plate Club membership is necessary. You know what chocolate is, what cows are, where tea comes from, how onions sizzle.

And i say you are learning like a tiger: because you are so ferocious and assertive about it, watching and paying attention and fiercely pursuing all that the world has in it. That's my girl.

Labels: breastfeeding, mamadom, milestones, toddler

scrawled @ 19:32

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