scrawls.

scrawls

still cheaper than therapy*

29.7.13

witness, as requested

Well - i can't say we were friends, twenty years ago when we met, though we were Friends or we wouldn't have. It must have been about twenty years ago - were you at Earthsong in 1993? you must have been - and anyway we were just kids, and you were older, and wiser, even then. Even then i had a towering respect for you, but then i did for everybody, and i guess you were a better example than most. (I picture my young self as being mousey and quiet, wearing clothes that were too big and trying to be invisible. When someone i knew then remembers me i always feel complimented, and surprised, and a little doubtful.) But we ran in different circles, and we still do, mostly - look at you, you've got two thousand facebookies, so being one more barely counts. And anyway i haven't seen you in real in almost another decade.

Now, though, you're like this twirling, growing, dancing vortex of ... peace and contemplation. Like an artisan's kaleidoscope, or, better, a rainbowing prism hung in a sunny window.

Does a rainbowing prism make a difference? Even as distantly as this.

And to be entering the ministry! - you will find your path, and it will be full of joy and love. And it will be inspiring, and it will be meaningful, and it will be full of gratitude and creativity and music and surprises, and these are all things you know. I am wistful whenever someone I know makes this choice: wistful, and not quite jealous, not quite. But what a stillness, what freedom, what radicalness. Leaps of faith are part of the job description, though, right up there on the top. And also how optimistic, and beautiful, and demonstrative of a great trust in and love for humanity. Respect, dude. It'll be a mountain of undertaking, each step.

I tend to idolize those in the ministry, i know. I know. It's a failing. I met a woman once who i'd known as a kid - i saw her as an adult - i saw her being rude. I couldn't imagine it, even seeing it, even knowing it. Was i wrong, before? Had something awful happened? I didn't ask, and what a question that would have been. I was massively disappointed, and i need to forgive her for that; it was my fault, expecting so much from a human. I had been so in awe of her. I still am, too: she still exists like that in my memory. Note to self: nobody is perfect at all moments. Not you, not her, not even him, nobody. Couldn't've been.

(Doesn't mean i can't try.)

Labels: people

scrawled @ 20:01

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