scrawls.

scrawls

still cheaper than therapy*

24.5.10

2y, 7mo

You might consider this the best day of your life. You woke up early, early early, and i convinced you to stay in bed until the sun was unavoidably up, and then i put on "da Pwincess movie and da Fwog movie" in a desperate bid to nap on the couch (which worked) but it was still over before even 07:30. We played both kinds of legos, and doppel-moppel, and i think you did a puzzle while i was napping. You had a fig and grape yogurt with lots of cereal for breakfast, and juice, and waffles, and then we rode the streetcar to a playdate with S at a street carnival and you rode a pony (white with black splotches) and a train and a carousel, and had a banana, and you and S were taped by Asian tourists dancing to the Austrian folk music. Many Asian tourists. In several different tour groups. They clapped for you and cheered. We went to S's place for lunch and there was chickpea soup, which you eventually ate quite a bit of, and the kitty and the tea set and the piano and the legos and the brushes and combs and purses and the shouting and running up and down the hallway. You shared and you helped clean up. On the way home you fell asleep on the bus for a tiny, quick little nap, just long enough to get carried home, so that we could get the stroller and some more waffles and walk to the ice cream parlor. On the way we stopped at the video store and saw the local E fan club and they all called you prinzessin. All the way to the ice cream parlor you decided if you would have chocolate ice cream or pink ice cream, and then we got there and learned that there was a gummibär sundae, and you ordered it all by yourself and ate it all by yourself with the funny square spoon. When we paid for the ice cream they gave you a purple and blue pinwheel and you knew exactly how to blow on it so it worked and the ice cream parlor folks were all impressed. And then we came home and called O and R and ate just a little bit of dinner and played more legos and had a bubble bath. While i was singing your lullaby you kept interrupting me to say you had fun and you love me and i kept interrupting myself to say me too, honey, me too.

Labels: milestones

scrawled @ 19:12

2 Comments

17.5.10

Oh, E. Why am i not surprised that the little dinosaur is sitting on the mommy dinosaur's head.

Labels: toddler

scrawled @ 08:38

0 Comments

16.5.10

Day Two of pasta e fagioli and you know how that gets better the longer you wait. Gave E a bath (needed, she was coated with sauce after two and a half bowls. Smart girl). Bottle of red. Another (another!) movie with Philip Seymour Hoffman, again, completely by accident; i was aiming for Bill Nighy.

this was so much more cheerful sounding in my head three hours ago.

Labels: random

scrawled @ 19:28

0 Comments

13.5.10

realpolitik

Despondent. Like anybody wouldn't be despondent. I have every reason for this. And anyway, it comes and goes.

I don't know why i keep expecting life to be fair, to make sense. Expecting people to act in ways that are not self-destructive, or to be consistent, or to be anything more or less than human, in a mainly pejorative sense.

i play U2 so the neighbors can hear. Dylan. i turn up counting crows as high as it will go. i am not maudlin, i am not mawkish, sentimental, weak. i sliced my finger open, peeling an apple for E; i wonder if the nerves will grow back. It does seem like they always do, or anyway they always did, before.

Labels: separation

scrawled @ 15:51

1 Comments

9.5.10

I? I had a dream, not very recently - maybe last month, that M was in my kitchen, making something in the oven. E was home, the dog was home, everything was normal. Taking out the baking pan he seared his arm from second knuckle to past his elbow on the hot metal, black, red, bits trailing smoke. E was screaming, terrified, and M would not accept help, would not see a doctor, would not do or allow any first aid, would not go to a hospital: he stood in my kitchen with a smoking arm, staring at it. Only staring at it, hypnotized, refusing everything.

It was all i could do to not call him when i woke up. I do not think this requires a dictionary for interpretation.

Labels: reflection

scrawled @ 19:43

1 Comments